My state legislator, Assemblyman Joseph Saladino called this morning and left me a message. I had asked him for more information about the bill to remove parental consent regarding the HPV vaccine. Here’s what he said: “The bill in question is A778. It is sponsored by Amy Paulin. Right now we have been told that it’s not coming before us any time soon, and they are not able to give us any update of where it is going right now. It’s in a holding zone.” (Note to anyone who lives in Scarsdale, Eastchester, Tuckahoe, Bronxville, Pelham, Pelham Manor, New Rochelle or White Plains: Maybe it’s time to make a few phone calls to your local representative?)

However, after doing a little more research it does appear that the bill did move recently, being transferred to the Health committee. Just because the bill isn’t being voted on today doesn’t mean we can sit back and ignore the fact that this bill is real, it’s on the table, and it’s something that can be put into effect on someone’s whim. We can’t let this slide. It’s time to make it known how you feel. If you live in New York State, make some calls, people.

Okay, so on to my husband’s butt again. Since he responded to my last post, I can explain a little more. He had a fistula. He went for a full fistulaectomy yesterday. When the doctor got in there he found it was very deep and very long. He did a partial repair. We’ll keep our fingers crossed this will fix it. Which brings me to one of the reasons I am so late writing this.

Today I had to get Big Girl off to school by myself. Usually, we divide and conquer. I take the downstairs part. Chris handles the upstairs part. I make her lunch, get breakfast out, do her hair, make sure she’s got everything, and get her on the bus. Chris picks out her clothes and makes sure she gets out of bed and gets dressed. (I shower her the night before.) But he’s in a lot of pain and loopy on meds, so it’s all me for a few days. Okay, so this morning I go in. Big Girl, who isn’t a morning person, and is experiencing a bout of six-year-old independence, is just plain nasty to me. Whining and telling me I am not allowed to pick her clothing. It escalated, but she’s finally dressed. I spot her clean undies on the floor. “Do you have underwear on,” I ask. I check and she does, but they are from yesterday. I tell her to go downstairs so we can get her out of the house. She starts yelling at me that she wants to change them first. I just want to get her fed and get her out of the house so she’s not too late for school. We get downstairs and the screaming continues.

I’m mad. She’s mad. We’re both sniping at each other. It gets so bad that Chris, in his post-operation, medicated fog comes downstairs. We continue going back and forth. She’s whining up a storm. As an adult, I should have controlled myself, but I must admit it bothers me that she is an angel for Chris. Doesn’t say a peep in the morning. But any time I get involved with her morning routine, I get crap. So there we are. She’s saying how mean I am. How I am “poopy.” And I feel like I am going to cry. I said that I knew Big Girl loved me, but it didn’t feel like she likes me very much. Then Chris goes, “She doesn’t give me a problem in the morning.” And I lost it. “Fine, then I will take care of Little Girl from now on and you can take care of Big Girl.” Poor Big Girl. Hearing that, her face crumbled. Chris flew at me, telling me to get out of the kitchen. He was so angry. And disappointed. He brought her into the den and consoled her. I stood there still seething, but now angry at myself, too. The drama continued for about ten more minutes. It ended with me hugging Big Girl for a long time, both of us apologizing, and me saying that I said what I said because I was so upset and hurt. Ten minutes later I was driving Big Girl to school. She was happy and holding her sister’s hand. But I worry about the damage that I inflicted today.

This parenting thing is very hard to do. It takes courage, patience, perseverance, love, the ability to overlook things. It takes time and insight and introspection. I made a huge error today. I used none of the required skills. I acted like a child. I added another “issue” to the litany of issues Big Girl will complain about someday. Heck, she might complain about them today when she gets home. The only thing I can do is start again, right? There are no do-overs in parenting. No out-of-bounds. I made a mistake. A big one. I’m so sorry about it. What else can I say?

What’s the biggest parenting mistake you’ve made? How did you bounce back from it? I need some advice — that’s for sure.

The subject line: URGENT ACTION NEEDED- GARDASIL BILL

The rest of the email explained how, here in New York State, lawmakers would be voting on a bill that would allow “STD shots (Hep-B and Gardasil) to be given to minors without the consent or knowledge of Mom and Dad.” (Except all in CAPS.) There was more. About how “even five-year-olds could nod their heads” and that would in effect be consent. It also explained how the state legislature wants to add Gardasil to the list of vaccines required for school enrollment.

I did a Google search and nothing came up. I went to the official New York State legislative Web site and searched for the bill numbers. Nada. So then I decided to call my State Legislator, Assemblyman Joseph Saladino. The woman answering the phone said she would have him give me a call. After we spoke, I can say that at it’s core, the email was true. There are two bills that are coming up for vote. And yes, our assembly members and senators are trying to not only remove consent from the parents, but also make this relatively new vaccine mandatory for all little girls entering 6th grade. Disgusting.

My assemblyman was understandably concerned that this bill will take control from the hands of the parents and place it into the hands of children, who can’t really make informed decisions.

Here’s a verbatim quote from my discussion with Assemblyman Saladino: “I’m all for protecting minors from all kinds of situations, but there are ways that are more fit and unfortunately there seems to be too much of a pattern of bills that don’t take parents’ views into account, and don’t respect parents abilities to understand what’s best for their children. I want to make my position clear that I am all in favor of efforts to protect children from all sorts of situations. But the way we do it, the nuances involved and the structure of the bill and the structure of the way these programs are implemented really needs to be more fully vetted and really need to protect and respect the views of parents.”

Amen, Congressman. What’s the point of a bill that would remove parental consent? Why should a 12-year-old be able to direct her own medical care? Even more important: Why should New York State tell me that my 12-year-old daughter needs a shot to protect her from a sexually transmitted disease? I’m the parent. I should be able to make that choice. You want to mandate something that you can get through airborne particles such as the measles or the mumps? I get it. I’m not thrilled, but I get it. You want me to let you mandate the same level of care for a disease that I’m hoping my little girl won’t be exposed to until she is much, much older? I don’t think so.

And I haven’t even discussed the fact that Gardasil is a relatively new vaccine with plenty of question marks when it comes to safety. When you Google Gardasil side effects the second link you get a link to Merck’s own side effects page. They are staggering. Fainting and “shaking or stiffening or other seizure-like activities.” Really? I’m not really surprised. The more I read, the more concerned I am. Women have died. Women have become confined to wheelchairs. Research is still coming out about its side effects and safety. For example, two new studies just came out in August. They were published in the Journal of the American Medical Association. I’m not going to post them here. You can read an excellent post on the U.S. News and World Report Web site about the side effects as well as the issues documented with the safety and monitoring effectiveness. But the bottom line: there clearly needs to be more examination and research done before we make every little girl put their arm out and get the shot.

I very rarely ask people to retweet or repost my work. However, I am asking today. Please make my post your Facebook status. Get the word out. We need people calling their assembly person. You can find the correct phone number here. We need more national newspapers and news-gathering outlets to pick up this torch. We need to affect grassroots change. WE the people, remember? WE elect people. We have the power to dictate our own laws.

Please let me know how you feel about this post and this topic. I’d like to hear about it.