As someone who says she is as natural as possible, it would seem like a given that I’d try to make everything in my life natural — spontaneous, easy, and free. Except for one thing: very few things in this world are, actually, natural. Marriage, in particular I think, is one of the least natural states you can find.

Marriage, in my experience, takes work. A lot of work. If I were to compare it to something in nature — a plant — I’d have to say it’s not a set- it-and-forget-it kind of vegetation. Marriage is not a spider plant, which grows even if you neglect it a bit. No, marriage is more like a orchid. Beautiful, but only when tended carefully and lovingly.

This is annoying sometimes. Not the work part. No, I’m willing to put in the work. No, what’s annoying is forgetting that it takes work. Finding myself coasting for a bit until smack, it hits me that we’re neglecting our orchid, which is losing its luster and drooping over begging for care and love.

For us, begging for care means that we’re both falling into crappy old habits. Mostly, I’ve stopped giving him positive feedback, hugs, and support. He’s stopped talking and stopped picking up after himself. As a result, I’m nagging and angry, and he’s snippy and defensive. Marriage starts feeling like drudgery. Work without benefits. (Since, let’s be honest, when you’re nagging and angry and snippy and defensive there’s no “benefits” going on.)

The good thing, of course, is that with a little tending, love, and care marriage can sprout new shoots. All the nasty bugs can be vanquished. The marriage can and does regrow to its old lushness — and then some.

Right now we’re working on weeding our marriage bed. Pulling out all the bad stuff (like me being nasty when he forgets to deposit a check and him being defensive when I ask him why he forgot to deposit a check), and feeding it the good stuff (me thanking him for putting away the dishes and him making an effort to put away the dishes). It’s amazing how quickly things can change for the better. Naturally.

Whoa! Something is very wrong with this kind of search.

Friends. They can be so important to our well-being, keeping us sane, healthy, and happy, and changing our lives for better or for worse. I thought I’d shake Favorite Things Friday up yet again, so — although I still selected several found-on-the-Web favorites for inclusion in this week’s list — I’m dedicating the first few faves to some “friendly” surprises. I hope you’ll help me help others smile by leaving your own friend stories at the end of this post.

(My one disclaimer: This list is in no order; don’t take it personally if you’re my friend and you’re not on this list. I hope to be blogging for a long time. I’ll get to your story eventually. I don’t want to blow my wad in one shot, as my husband said I should avoid doing. Hmmm. Is that obscene? I don’t know…oh, and I’m not including my family because they have an unfair advantage.)

• A Loving Surprise: Amy G. I was pregnant with Big Girl the same time another friend was pregnant with her son. My friend Amy had promised me her bassinet when she found out I was pregnant, but she knew our other friend, who announced her pregnancy after mine, much, much longer. Of course she should get it, she said. I was hurt, but knew it was the right thing to do. I’d get one at my shower, I assumed. But before I got the chance to register for one, Amy beat me to it. As I was leaving her house one day, she walked out and handed me a brand new, gorgeous bassinet. I was touched beyond belief. I have always had a hard time accepting help from people. The fact that Amy went out and did something so thoughtful and kind has stuck with me all these years.
• A Sweet Surprise: Shari. I miscarried a few years ago. I did it the hard way, sitting in my bathroom bleeding for 12 hours until the baby passed. (Sorry, TMI.) I was so hollow and sad afterward. That night my friend Shari showed up at my door with a large cup of Ralph’s jelly ring ices. She handed it to me, saying she didn’t want to bother me, but she wanted to know she cared. I already did, but that simple gesture meant a lot.
• An Awkward Surprise: Judy.  Judy and I were not just friends, we were couple friends. The four of us had more laughs than I can count. Through half our 20s and our early 30s until we had a falling out. We’re both have/had sensitivity issues. We both used to get hurt and jump to protect ourselves. She expected a lot. I over-promised a lot. I never wanted to disappoint, but managed to do that often by overextending myself. We had a falling out. A  big one. After some time, I wrote Judy a note. She replied with a handwritten three-page letter that she poured her heart into. She started an honest dialog that helped us reconcile. We’ve re-started our friendship from scratch. Even though she lives in another state, we can pick up the phone and talk for two hours like we did last weekend. What a wonderful gift.
• An Old Surprise: K. Sometimes, the people who do the most for us don’t stay in our lives, but that doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate them. Not only was high school horrific, but, when I was 19, I got engaged to a real psycho. It was so hard. Part of the reason I stayed as long as I did was the fact that I was happy when he wasn’t being abusive. We had couple friends. A full life. But there was always that beat-you-up underlying psycho thing I had to deal with. When we finally broke up, the sociopath kept all the friends. Of course, it didn’t help that I didn’t really know how to be a great friend back then. So I went to college knowing nobody. I had very few social ties. Then I met K., who introduced me to everyone she knew, and taught me how to have fun again. We had a falling out a few years ago. We both said terrible things to each other. (She said I was dead to her; I said she was a selfish, self-centered bitch who always has to be angry at someone. Not my best moment.) Still, I appreciate her for the person she helped me to become. Losing her friendship changed my life, and that’s what a good friend does: Helps you to be the best person you can be.

OK, a few lighthearted links to get your weekend started right:

Experience Project. Experience is everything, which is why I love this site. You can go and read about millions of different experiences — wacky, profound, funny, sad, exciting. You can also challenge yourself to do something new, and get support along the way.

BabyBox.com Cute site, but there are plenty of cute sites out there. The thing I like about this one is its service that lets you take your kid’s art work, and make it wearable, turning it into a shirt, pillowcase, or blanket. At $125 it’s expensive, but I still love the concept.

The Failblog. Am I the only one who hasn’t already seen this site? A collection of mostly really funny videos and photos that show people doing stupid things along side snarky commentary. I laugh every time I check it out. It’s probably on par with People of Wal-Mart, another place I go for a quick chuckle.

The New Blog. Looking for something new? Well, this site lists a bunch of them. (Loved being pointed towards the new FunnyorDie.com Ed HardyBoys — get it, Hardy Boys — video!)

I Am Bored site. Bored? There’s something on this site to un-bore you. Bare-bones but so worth the read, there’s something here for everyone, whether you want to laugh, think, smile, or cry.