Big Girl’s birthday was last month. When we started planning it she said she wanted to donate her gifts, but she didn’t know which charity would be the recipient this year. Then, one day she was leafing through my Parents Magazine and saw an ad for SmileTrain, an organization that provides cleft lip and palate surgery. The photos are pretty horrifying, so she instantly knew, she said, that this was the charity she wanted her friends to donate to. I agreed, especially after doing due diligence and checking out the organization’s financial statements. Soon after, I emailed out the following note to everyone who had been invited:

Hopefully you’ve all received your invitations. (It was a postcard, so let me know if it didn’t arrive. I know sometimes they get lost inside the newspapers and junk mail.) Big Girl decided she wants to donate her birthday gifts again this year. Tonight, she was flipping through my Parents Magazine and came across an ad for SmileTrain (page 65 in the Oct. 2011 issue), which provides cleft surgery to needy children. She was having trouble telling people what she wanted anyway, she said, and thought this would feel good to do. (There’s a kid in the ad who is eight, “just like I am, Mom.”) Anyway, this is purely optional, of course. You don’t have to bring *any gifts* or you can do your own thing, but if you want to, please feel free to make out a check to SmileTrain. I looked it up. They are a five-star rated charity since nearly 83% of its donations go directly to the operations and medical treatments like speech and orthodontia. I will include a note with the donations requesting the charity not solicit anyone who donates and does not sell or rent anyone’s name.

Okay, so the party went off a few Sundays ago. Many of the guests completely ignored the no gifts thing and brought gifts as well as checks made out to SmileTrain. Some just sent checks. A much smaller group just sent gifts. One child came empty-handed, though. And now here’s my problem: Do I send out an email asking the mom if she sent something or just chalk it up to her deciding she didn’t like the charity and actually listened to my request for no gifts? It’s such a touchy thing. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I also want to make sure a gift or check didn’t go missing. What would you do?

On the bright side Big Girl’s friends donated $290 to SmileTrain, providing an entire operation to a needy child. I’m so proud of her and of our friends, making a difference in the world.

“My question is what poor excuse for a parent can’t rustle up a bowl of cereal and a banana? I just don’t get why millions of school children qualify for school breakfasts unless we have a major wide spread problem with child neglect. If that many parents are incapable of pulling together a bowl of cereal and a banana, then we have problems that are way bigger than [that]– that problem can’t be solved with a school breakfast because we have parents who are just criminally … criminally negligent with respect to raising children. And yet that’s the kind of program that has bi-partisan support.”

Wow, and WOW. The sad part is that we have pages and pages of research that shows well-fed children learn better, and when kids learn better they have a better chance of pulling themselves out of poverty, stopping the cycle, and becoming tax-paying Americans.

My family would have qualified for free breakfast and lunch when I was little. My mom never signed us up because she was too proud. I wish she had. We often left for school with empty stomachs. She left before 8 a.m. to go to work. We got ourselves ready in the morning including fixing our own breakfasts. I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that my mother was NOT criminally negligent. She was a working mom who did everything in her power for us, but she wasn’t making a lot of money, and sometimes that meant we struggled. Since when is being poor a criminal offense?

I have written about this before, but I can remember weeks where on Tuesday we would run out of milk knowing we had to wait until Friday to get some. (Supermarkets didn’t take credit cards in the late 70s and early 80s.) So we went without milk. How nice it would have been to go to school and have a little carton of milk and a packet of cereal waiting for me. And today I know for a fact that there are plenty of kids living what I went through.

As Raw Story points out, in September the U.S. Census Bureau released the latest poverty numbers. Last year, 14.3 percent of the population was living below the poverty line, a 15-year high. That means in 2009 43.6 million people were living in poverty, up from 39.8 million in 2008. “The third consecutive annual increase in the number of people in poverty,” according to the Census Bureau’s report.

Some of those folks were laid off. Some of them are uneducated. Some are sick. Some desperately want to work, but can’t find a job. Some have seen their unemployment benefits run out. Some have been foreclosed upon. I know there are plenty of people who think that people should take care of themselves, and if they can’t, screw ‘em. I am not one of them. I think, especially in this season of giving, that we should always be looking to take care of those less fortunate than others. Because you never know what life is going to throw you. And so I say to Ms. O’Beirne: The only criminal here is YOU. Only a criminal could display such depraved indifference for human life, especially the tiniest and most helpless of our society: our children. You should be ashamed of yourself. I know I am ashamed for you.

What’s your take on this issue? I’d like to know. BTW: You can listen to the discussion here. Listen to around the 54 minute mark.

The church had put a mention of its Thanksgiving outreach in the Sunday bulletin, and it seems like everyone at church had the great idea to give something. Even folks who aren’t necessarily part of the parish helped out. While I was there unloading my boxes someone from my town’s school district came in with a large manila envelope. It was filled with more than $500 worth of gift cards to supermarkets in the area. The teachers and administration decided to do something amazing for those in need and had collected the cards specifically for the food pantry.

I could tell the church coordinator was overwhelmed with the generosity of our parish and our town — as well as the sheer volume of food. Still, even though she said that everyone who needed a Thanksgiving meal had picked one up, she still accepted my donation and the armloads and bags of donations that continued to come in as I stood there with Little Girl, who was diligently sorting vegetables with me. She has a plan for the overabundance. She will be helping our parish help another parish later today. You see, another church in a less well-off neighborhood is going to be the recipient of the fresh food and vegetables as well as some of the grocery overflow that can’t fit into the pantry.

As I walked out of the door, I felt pretty good. It was really gratifying to see so much REAL food in that church pantry. Produce, non-junky cereals, wholesome stuff that builds people up. It also made me so happy to see so many people helping others. Nameless, faceless others. The need was there, and people stepped up to the plate. (Although my good feeling was dimmed just a little bit by the nasty man who yelled at me because Little Girl didn’t have a coat on. When I explained she refused to wear one, he told me I should make sure to refuse to pay the doctor bill when she got sick! LOL and wow, judgmental much?!?)

Anyway, digressing as always. Thank you, people in my town and church, for renewing my faith in the world. I am truly thankful for all of you and for the good that you have done.

Hope you have a good night, and a wonderful tomorrow. Those in the U.S. should have a great Thanksgiving. And to my overseas friends — there are folks from 121 countries reading this blog! — don’t work too hard!

Finally, if you’ve got an extra second. Scroll down a bit. See that little brown box? Yes, the one about Top Mommy Blogs. Can you give me a click, please? People who find me from that site tend to become loyal readers. The higher I move in the rankings, the more likely it is that people will find me. I’m in the 300s right now…

Not much selection -- and slim pickings -- at my church's food pantry.

As many of you know, I belong to an amazing community-supported agriculture program called the Golden Earthworm Farm. This year, in fact, I am a drop-off location, which means my house is the place where 19 people come to get their just-picked organic veggies. While the price is pretty reasonable — about $20 per week — it’s still an expense, so you’d think that everyone would come and collect their boxes of swiss chard, baby bok choi and escarole. That’s not the case, though. For whatever reason people sometimes don’t come, which means for the past two weeks I have been left with big boxes of perishable veggies sitting in my garage.

Maggie, one of the farmers, told me this might happen when I agreed to be a drop-off location. People go away, they get stuck at work, they just forget, she said. She told me she didn’t want the food to go to waste so I should donate the leftovers to a worthy charity. I was so excited. I knew my church’s food bank is always in need of donations. All food banks, actually, are in dire need of food — fresh produce especially.

According to a recent Feeding America study –Hunger in America 2010 — more than 37 million people receive emergency assistance from book banks across the U.S. These are not homeless people. They are people who work hard, pay their taxes but just can’t get by. Food banks get by on donations from corporate America and from regular folks like us, but with the recession and the swelling ranks of those who are utilizing the service, the cupboards are getting bare. My local pantry is no different.

When I walked into the church this morning I was stunned to see how many people were filling up bags. It looked like the supermarket on a Saturday morning. Mostly elderly people, but there was one woman who was about my age. When she saw me dropping off food she hung her head down and turned around so I couldn’t see her face. I could tell she was embarrassed to be there. I felt terrible. I wanted to walk over, put my arms around her, give her a hug and tell her that I understood. That I know that anyone at any time can go from living well to living day-to-day. An illness. A job loss. A divorce. Any of the above can hobble anyone. She certainly has nothing to be ashamed of. I walked out thinking good thoughts for her and for everyone else who will have something to eat thanks to that food bank and others like it.

I also felt happy that I — through the Golden Earthworm Farm — was able to help. I am thrilled that at least some of those folks will have a salad or turnips or escarole with their cans of soup and tuna and boxes of pasta and stuffing. (OMG — think of all the BPA these folks must be taking in!). I hated the fact that, before I got there, there was no meat or fruit or leafy greens. No sweets, either, which is why I ran home and shopped in my own pantry. (I brought over some organic muffin mixes, sunflower seed butter, bread mix and other items I wouldn’t miss.)

And so, since I know so many of my readers are blessed, I ask you this: Do you know where your local food pantry is? Do you have food in your home that you know you won’t miss? Did you buy a big bag of apples, for example? Or is your garden already overflowing? If you answered yes, how about making someone’s day and giving back? You will be all the richer for your service. I guarantee it.

This post links me into Real Food Wednesdays, a real food movement taking place across the Web. Check out some of my fellow bloggers by clicking through.

I got the idea from my daily Twitter read. (Every day I scour my favorite green sites for news to tweet.) Today I came upon an interesting site, WorldChanging, a nonprofit media organization. Basically, the site follows the journalistic tenants that I learned in J-school. The writers and editors report the truth about green-minded issues without kowtowing to sponsors or politicians. And, as a 501C3 non-profit, it’s supported by donations from people like me.

Once I found WorldChanging, which Time Magazine voted one of the top 15 green Web sites, I decided I would find four more organizations to put on my list of donation recipients. I Googled “Top Green Charities.” Kiplinger’s had a story from 2007 with a few ideas on finding the best charities to support. Things like executive salaries, overhead costs, and whether or not a charity expands its programs each year. Then it suggested that I check out Charity Navigator, a site that evaluates and ranks more than 5,400 U.S. charities. And there it was: an Environment category front and center. 241 organizations — most of which I have never heard of. And plenty that garner the site’s four star rating.

After reporting on the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Oceana seemed to be a perfect recipient with its work protecting the oceans from pollution, overfishing, offshore drilling, and such. My next chosen charity — Beyond Pesticides — was impressive both for its low overhead (only 1.1 percent of its budget goes toward administrative costs) and its work in both public policy and public education. Here in New York the Natural Resources Defense Council has “lawyers, scientists and other professionals” fighting for causes I believe in. Big Oil and Big Pharma have lots of money and lobbyists behind them. The Natural Resources Defense Council levels the playing field a bit, putting lobbyists in Washington for all of us greenies. I needed one more charity to donate to. My pick: the Environmental Working Group. Tons of databases. Lots of public work. Lots of independent testing, research, and analysis exposing what big industry doesn’t want us to see.

In the end, I feel proud and sad. Proud that I could donate to five great charities (six if you count giving a little something to Charity Navigator, which is also a non-profit), but sad that I couldn’t do more. 2009 has been a tough year for a lot of us. Money is tight. Many of us are still scared about our economic outlook. One in ten of us are out of a job. However, we can’t change things unless we get involved. If you have the means, donate before the end of the year. If you don’t, consider volunteering your time and effort to help your favorite cause. If you do donate, please make sure you ask them not to sell or rent your name. This donating to charity thing is supposed to help our environment. Asking to stay off of a rental list will reduce the amount of junk mail out there.

No matter how you spend the last hours of 2009, I wish you nothing but good — and green and healthy –things for today and the coming year. Happy New Year, everyone!

The location of my pay-it-forward revelation.

On Saturday my husband and I took our family to the Long Island Children’s Museum to see The Bari Koral Family Band. We knew of the band because — two years ago — we purchased tickets to a family music concert series at the museum. As part of that series we received a CD that featured four or five songs from each of the six concerts. We’ve been singing along to that CD since the day we picked it up. Now all three of us (the baby gets a pass for a little while) know all the words to Gustafer Yellowgold‘s I Jump on Cake (adorable song!), as well as Louie Miranda‘s Mama Juana and Bari Koral’s Backpack Song. The Bari Koral Family Band, along with the other musicians on the CD, plays music that an adult can listen to and actually enjoy. Which is why I was thrilled to see Bari coming back our way.

We arrived at the theater extra early so we could sit in the front row. (LICM is first come, first served seating.) And there we sat for the entire show, singing every song we knew, and beaming that Little Girl, our 17-month-old, not only loved it, but sat there clapping and beaming, too, while our big girl went up on stage for a dance contest. The best moment, however, was when, during the concert, Little Girl reached over all on her own and took her big sister’s hand. And held it. Then Big Girl curled her fingers around her sister’s little hand, and they sat there like that. After months of sibling rivalry, they were one. No, it wasn’t the first beautiful moment they’ve had — there have been plenty — but it was the first one that happened without any input from us. I probably don’t have to explain how I felt at that exact moment.

Wanting to capture more of that good feeling, once the show ended I figured I would go buy the new CD for the girls. Besides, as members, we only paid $3 per ticket, and I wanted to support the arts. But it didn’t work out that way.

As people filed out, I went up to the CD table with both kids. We were both completely tapped out of cash. I literally had $.05 in my pocketbook. Chris had even less. But I was hoping they took credit cards. They didn’t. We were disappointed when we saw it was cash only. (Bari would have taken a check, too, but I never carry a checkbook, either.) We walked away, but then I had another idea. I walked back and asked if Santa could buy the CD via e-mail or the band’s Web site. Bari, who was standing there signing CDs and chatting with the other families looked over, took one of her CDs off the stack, and handed it to me. “Go ahead, enjoy. Thanks for coming to the show.” I was embarrassed, but also really touched. She cared enough about my girls to just give me her latest CD. For free. And it isn’t even out yet! And she had already done so much for me. I thanked her profusely, and walked away feeling really, really good. It wasn’t just the CD, of course. I was still on a high from watching my girls interact at the show.

Later that day I was still thinking about that concert and the CD. It was then that I realized that Bari gave me more than just a CD. By bringing my girls together, she inadvertently gave me an edict to do something nice for someone else. I could use the kind gesture as the impetus to pay it forward. Which is why somewhere, somehow this week I am going to make sure I make someone else feel as good as her impromptu gift — and her show — made me feel.

It’s Monday. Just think how amazing this week would be if everyone reading this blog did one random act of kindness for someone. And then that someone they touched did something for someone else, too. And, as the Breck girl said, it would keep going; And so on and so on and so on. It doesn’t have to cost anything. You don’t have to identify yourself. You can do something simple and small.

I know, you might be thinking this is a very self-absorbent blog post. Maybe. And maybe you might think this is a stupid, dated idea. I’d stop you there, though. Yes, there have been movies inspired by this idea. And books and bumper stickers and Reader’s Digest magazine stories. But I think kindness is something that we really can’t have enough of in our world. And it often starts with one hand reaching out to another.

Have you ever been the happy recipient of someone paying it forward? Have you ever been the payer? I’d love to hear your stories.

Christmas is about more than just signage, right?

I got a press release from the American Family Council yesterday. It called for a boycott of all Gap-owned stores because The Gap refuses to use the word “Christmas” in its holiday advertising including in-store displays. The boycott is running from November 1 through Christmas day. I have a problem with this on so many levels.

Now, let me state for the record that Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. We are Christians, and we observe. My older daughter is already talking about how many days are left until the big day. We even plan our yearly vacation to Disney around the holidays so we can share the breathtaking Candlelit Processional with the girls. It’s such a beautiful way to reinforce the story of the Nativity. However, as someone who celebrates Christmas, I don’t think that I need to jam my holiday down anyone’s throat. Especially when it comes to their shopping experience.

You’d think an organization that calls for family values would agree. Since when is Christmas — or any of the December holidays — supposed to be about commercialism and presents anyway? Some of my Jewish friends have the same problem. Hanukkah is all about those eight presents now. A miracle in a cave? Not so much anymore. And this year especially, when 10 percent of the U.S. workforce is out of a job, materialism should be downplayed as much as possible. I know first hand how Christmas signs can actually make someone feel worse about the holiday.

I was remind of this on Saturday. We were at a good friend’s daughter’s birthday party. Moms and dads waiting around for the party to end. We were talking about presents. We started with birthday gifts and moved onto the topic of holiday gifts. One mom said something to the effect of could we imagine how it must feel to actually need Christmas presents. I piped up that I could, actually, and felt tears stinging my eyes. When we were little — right after my dad died — there was a year we didn’t have too many gifts from Santa under the tree. My older brother, ten years my senior, was a volunteer firefighter at the time. Hearing about our plight, someone at the firehouse dropped gifts on our front lawn that Christmas morning. Gifts my mom wouldn’t have been able to buy. They fell out of Santa’s sleigh, we were told. And that, my wonderful friends over at American Family Council, is what Christmas (and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and Eid al-Adha) is all about.

Who cares if there’s a Merry Christmas sign in the Gap? I don’t. I care more about how we, as a country and a people, treat each other. And a sign isn’t going to make, for example, someone donate a toy or sweater to someone in need. It’s not going to get someone to hold a door open for someone who doesn’t have a free hand. It’s certainly not going to convert an atheist to a Christian, or remind someone in a fit of shopping frenzy why they celebrate their holiday to begin with.

So to all those calling for a boycott of Gap I say this: Get a life and start worrying about things that actually matter. People in need. Kids who won’t have a holiday celebration this year. Elderly folks who will go to church alone on Christmas morning. Soldiers who will miss out on lighting the Shamash with their children. Sick people who will spend Kwanzaa sitting in a hospital bed. Even if you got your wish and Old Navy stores displayed 20-foot technicolor Christmas signs, it’s not going to change how those hurting, sad, lost people feel. Instead of complaining about signs, wouldn’t it be better to call on your 2.6 million members to do good this holiday season? Because in my book, that’s the true meaning of Christmas.

Do you support the boycott of Gap? How do you feel about public demonstrations of Christmas or other religious holidays?

Quick cakes. I like cake. There, I said it. But only the real stuff. None of this boxed nonsense. However, having a huge cake sitting in the house is a bad thing since my husband doesn’t eat cake or sweets. It would be all mine, something my wardrobe wouldn’t love. Ahhh, but what if you could make one tiny cake at a time so you always had a fresh cake — hot, yummy, and portion controlled? Stacey J. Miller’s book, 101 Recipes for Microwave Mug Cakes, and her blog show you how to bake cakes in a mug in the microwave. What a smart concept! Once we run out of Halloween candy I intend on trying a few of these recipes out. Nothing says winter like a great big mug of blueberries and sugar! And cake!

Cooking, decorating, and Martha — oh my! I am no Martha Stewart, that’s for sure. I’d like to be more like her, though. Minus the whole arrest thing, of course. Martha whips up yummy food. She decorates with aplomb. She can turn everyday items into things of beauty. One writer, Brette Sember, is undergoing an experiment to see if she can Martha-ize her home and family. We, as readers, can follow along with her progress on her site, Martha and Me. This works out well. I can watch a real person try to emulate Martha, but I don’t have to touch a single glue gun.

Lunchboxes that make a mom proud. Getting back to the not-a-great cook thing…my lack of culinary prowess extends into my daughter’s lunchbox. She gets pretty much the same thing every day: Soybean butter and jelly sandwiches, a piece of fruit, a sweet of some kind, and something “dry” that she can eat during morning snack. Boooooring. So imagine how inspired I was when I came across Lunchbox Limbo, a site that tracks a mom’s journey to green her family’s lunchboxes while at the same time make them extremely appealing. Extremely. Sandwiches and lunches that are really edible art dominate the posts. I am awed every time I go to this site, especially since she’s making this “art” using mostly organic and healthy ingredients. One of these days I may even try one of her ideas!

Baking can be fun. Oh, Katelyn! I thought sending you off to preschool would be difficult. I had to send snack every once in a while. Maybe bake some cupcakes on your birthday. And then you got to grade school, and I realized the fun was just beginning. I know themed bake sales are cute, but goodies that look like what a bat would eat? And you’re an insect-eating bat? Good thing I found Bakerella and her cute-but-yummy brownie spiders. I can make those, right? (I’ll post photos of the little buggers before I send them into school next Friday.)

Giving back to those who protect us. I am anti-war, but I also support those men and women who give their lives to our country — often for years on end. A new charity called Phoenix Wish for Our Heroes lets regular people grant military wishes by visiting the accompanying Web site, and donating money to specific soldiers. The charity, which is launching the week of November 2, also has a Facebook page and Twitter account so you can follow its progress.

What’s your favorite food-related site? Talk back and tell me!