Bellies are for tickling...

How do you review a child’s book? It’s not like you can critique its dialog or plotline. No, for me the best measure of a children’s book is how hard and how long my little one laughs.

Sandra Boynton knows how to make kids laugh. Her latest book, Tickle Time!, is a perfect example. Little Girl started giggling as soon as I read her the title off “the title page.” (Her Montessori school, apparently, taught her what a title page is. That’s my girl, and yes, I digress.) When I read the first line (Gitch-gitchy goo) she started belly-laughing. In fact, we laughed through the entire 22-page book. Her favorite part, she says, is the little bird who, about a third of the way through, says, “Goo bop. Gitchy-goo bop.”

Yes, it’s silly, but it’s also got a strong rhyme throughout, and actually got my 3-year-old to come up with her own rhymes. She liked it so much that she’s bringing it to preschool today hoping the teacher will read it.

The book, which is based on a song from Boynton’s Rhinoceros Tap CD, is targeted at the toddler set, but I have a feeling my 8-year-old is going to like listening to it as well. After all, who doesn’t need a good laugh once in a while?

Right now, I’ve got both my girls in Britax Frontier 85s, convertible boosters that can be used with a 5-point harness or with the regular seat belt. They are great, but big, so whenever I try and add a third kid back there, I am at a loss. I have two options: shoehorning the kid in between the two boosters and forgoing a booster seat for that child or leaving my little one home with a sitter so I can have the child sit in Little Girl’s booster. Both options are unappealing. Either I am driving around unsafely or I’m paying a sitter. When I explain my space issues, most parents don’t care, telling me to just put their kid in there without a booster. (One even told me to let her child sit in the front seat — I refused, and I digress.) This seems to be happening across the country, according to a new American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) study that was released today.

The study — Carpooling and Booster Seats: A National Survey of Parents — found that “more than half of parents carpool children other than their own, but they do not always use boosters for children who usually use one.” The study was published in the February, 2012 issue of Pediatrics, the AAP’s journal.

There was good news in the report. Around three out of every four 4- to 8-year-olds were using seat belts as per their state laws, but booster seat use, especially for carpoolers, wasn’t as good. Here’s the thing: national recommendations say that kids should be in boosters until they are 57 inches tall. My 8-year-old, for instance, is only 44 inches, so she’s got a while before she should give up her booster.

Here in New York the booster seat law requires kids under eight to be in a seat, but it also says that kids who are shorter than 4’9″ or who weigh less than 100 pounds should keep using their seat. Take a look at the brochure yourself. (And here’s an excerpt.)

An appropriate child safety restraint system:

• Is required for all children until their 8th birthday and
• Must meet the size and weight requirements for the child based on the Federal requirements and the recommendations of the manufacturer, and
• Can be a child safety seat, a harness, a vest or a booster seat attached with the vehicle seat belt or latch system, but not the vehicle seat belt alone, and
• Should not be used in the front seat of the vehicle.
• If the child is eight years old and is under 4’9″ tall or weighs less than 100 lbs, it is recommended that you continue to use a child restraint system.

So yes, I need a new car, preferably one with a third row so I can safely transport my own kids and their friends. That’s really not too much to ask.

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The study, Societal Values and Policies May Curtail Preschool Children’s Physical Activity in Child Care Centers, found that preschool kids are getting very little exercise during the day, a problem since a sedentary lifestyle may contribute to obesity. According to the National Association for Sport and Physical Education (NASPE) guidelines, preschoolers should spend 120 minutes every day doing physical activities, but few reach that goal. Says the study:

“Children spend most (70%–83%) of their time being sedentary in child care — even when excluding time spent in naps and meals — and only spend 2% to 3% of the time in vigorous activities.”

Researchers conducted the study to figure out what’s contributing to the lack of exercise and activity. They found that there are three main reasons for kids’ sedentary lifestyle at school and daycare: concerns about injuries, financial limitations, and a stronger focus on academics.

I get the injuries thing. Little Girl got pushed through a playhouse window her first week at school and ended up with a huge scrape on her belly. Those are, I’m sure, the types of injuries parents and educators are worried about, and the reason fear of injuries was the number one worry of those interviewed for the study. I guess we’re all a little crazy these days when it comes to keeping kids safe. Still, as my husband reminds me kids are not veal. It’s okay for them to get bumped and scraped and bruised while they are playing. Or, even more direct: No, I cannot wrap Little Girl in bubble wrap to keep her safe.

As to the financial issue: Schools and daycare centers can’t afford “expensive” outdoor equipment or an indoor gross motor room where kids could play and run during inclement weather. Besides, they are being pressured by parents and regulations to make sure kids know their ABCs, colors, and shapes before entering kindergarten.

The study concludes with the following statement about kids and activity: “Child advocates must think holistically about potential unintended consequences of policies designed to protect children’s safety (eg, licensing codes that have rendered climbers uninteresting, or early learning standards that encourage child-care providers to cut time dedicated for outdoor play). Given that childhood obesity is quickly eclipsing childhood injury as a leading cause of morbidity, and that time in child care [including preschool] may be the child’s only opportunity for outdoor play, licensing standards may need to explicitly promote physical activity in as much detail as is devoted to safety.”

In other words, parents should encourage kids to run and jump as much as possible, and tell schools and daycare centers to do the same.

I don’t worry about my own preschooler. She never stops running here at home, doing laps around my house in her natural speed: fast. In addition, the preschool that she goes to has a policy to let kids play outside every single day as long as it’s not raining and the temperature is above 32 degrees. Between running my halls and running at school, Little Girl is definitely getting the recommended two hours of activity, but I can definitely see how that might be difficult for kids who are in daycare all day or those, like my older child, who prefers reading and art to jumping and climbing. There are things you can do to get kids moving, though.

For example, I bought Big Girl an indoor trampoline and one of those foam hopscotch boards and made sure she was spending time on both daily. I took her to parks, which are free, and on walks — also free — when it was nice outside. When it wasn’t, I made sure she had access to our doll carriages, to encourage indoor “walks.” We also played — and still do — hide-and-seek as well as other imaginative games that include running and moving. One of the easiest is freeze dance, which asks kids to dance until they hear the music go off. Another indoor favorite is family dance party, which gets kids up and moving. Bottom line: Aside from the trampoline, I didn’t need fancy equipment or have to spend a lot of time or money encouraging and fostering a love of movement and exercise. As I learned very quickly, kids want to move and will take your lead, so which path are you going to lead your children down today? I’d love to hear how you’re getting your kids moving indoors and out, especially since another study out of the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine found that kids who exercise more do better in school. Yet another reason to make sure kids are getting plenty of activity throughout the day.

• The AAP discourages media use for babies and kids under two
• Parents should avoid putting a TV in a child’s room
• There may be a negative effect of parents watching TV with kids around
• There needs to be additional research into long-term effects of TV viewing

I have written about my own misgivings about kids and TV. My kids don’t really watch TV all that much. The big one would prefer to read. The little one likes TV but would rather run around in circles. Literally. When they do watch it’s either Fresh Beat Band or Electric Company. The little one watches Sesame Street and Backyardigans. I have always been the “weird mom” because of this. I’ve had people ask me, with eyes bugging out, how I can keep my kids from watching television. (I’ve always wanted to say, “Easy, I don’t turn it on,” but I figured that’s sort of rude.)

This new policy gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be seen as the weird mom anymore. The AAP has a lot of pull. While the last set of restrictions — which called for zero television use — came out there several years ago, these have more meat to them. More concrete guidelines that may be easier to follow. Is it wishful thinking to say that I’m sure it won’t be long before parents start cutting down television usage? Well, I do. I just wish the recommendations came out a few years ago. They would have saved me a lot of bug-eyed looks.

Okay, so about an hour later my mother-in-law gets home with Big Girl. Little Girl is in the playroom with our sitter. I recount the story of the strange man with the camera. Not ten minutes later my sitter comes into the kitchen where I was making myself an iced coffee. She hands me — get this — my lost camera. Turns out Little Girl pulled it out of a hiding place wanting to use it. I am dumbfounded. In fact, I believe I stuttered something to the effect of, “But wait, that’s my camera.” Duh. My husband was equally as incredulous when he came home to me holding the camera in my hand.

We pieced things together after the kids were in bed. Little Girl probably swiped it, we think, while we were loading the car. I would have found it one of these days since she hid it at the back of the toy closet on a shelf, but still. Who would have guessed? How could we have known? So now we have a problem. We’ve still got to deal with the weird guy who claims to have our camera. He actually called back a little while after we found our camera saying that now he wants the $250 reward in addition to being able to keep the camera. (We offered both for the safe return of our photo card!) Oh, and did we have the cables for it, too? He’d like both when he meets my husband up the block from our house at a burger joint.

I want my husband to get the card so we can help reunite it with whomever lost it, so my husband tells him to call back. We don’t hear from him again until the next day, though. I was cautious at this point because I had called a policeman friend asking for his opinion. He told us there are people who post stuff on Craigslist and then, knowing someone has a lot of cash on them, rob them at gunpoint. He tells my husband not to meet this guy. That it’s not worth it. During the call the next day my husband tries to get out of meeting the guy explaining that we found a backup of our photos so he should just keep the camera for being a nice guy. (Our friend also told us not to anger the guy since he has our address.) The guy calls back again a few hours later. At this point, my husband comes clean and says that we’d be willing to give him some cash if he will give us the card. We want to find the rightful owner, we say. The guy, who is getting weirder and weirder, tells my husband that he is about to leave for a three-month vacation, and keeps asking for the wires to the camera. Finally, my husband tactfully hangs up.

The story continues over the next few days with this guy calling us a few more times. One of the best lines said after he finally got that it wasn’t our camera: “But I just want to be your friend!” Anyway, we’ve got our photos, we’ve got an interesting story, and unfortunately, we’ve got the knowledge that some other family (the guy said the camera card that he has contains photos of a broken roof and Asian people) is not going to get its camera back.

And that brings us back to the beginning of the story: We are still flabbergasted that our little child, our baby, took our camera and hid it. How she had the time and opportunity to do it baffles us. Also, the fact that she saw me crying and heard all the talk about the lost camera and didn’t cough it up. We reprimanded her, telling her she is never to touch Mommy’s camera ever again, but I somehow have the feeling this is not going to be the last time we have such a discussion.

She’s even become what she calls Mama’s helper. Tonight, for example, we made banana muffins. Everyone got a turn stirring the batter. She and her sister greased up their own mini muffin pans. Once I poured the batter they took their time carefully placing chocolate chips on half the batch. At one point I stopped and watched them performing those simple tasks. I felt so full and happy seeing their little earnest faces, I thought my heart would burst.

Oh, Little Girl isn’t all fun and games. I know that. If you’re a regular reader, you know that. (See evidence here, here, and here.) She gives me plenty of gray hairs and, to quote my Italian grandmother, more than my share of agita, but even with the anguish and worry she is still my little shining star. My ray of midday sunshine in what I feel is sometimes a very gloomy world. (Yes, Big Girl is, too. Although I’d probably equate her personality and love to a beautiful sunrise: colorful and cool, with hints of warmth shining through.)

Happy birthday, Little Girl. You were my best surprise ever. Hope the muffins are as delicious as you are!

No potty mouth for my kids, please...

Little Girl is angelic. Big light blue eyes, blond curls, porcelain skin. Truly, truly angelic. Tonight, that little angel behaved like a devil, dropping not one but THREE f-bombs.

We were having dinner. I’m coaxing her to sit still and face the table. She was ignoring me. I gave her a final warning: “Turn around or you will not sleep in a big girl bed tonight.” Turning around to face me, my little girl looked straight at me and said, “Eff, eff, eff no!” (She said the real words. I am cleaning it up so people can still Stumble and Digg this post!)

Time seemed to freeze for a second. Then Big Girl looked at me and looked at her sister, speaking for both of us when she said, “Mommy, oh my gosh, Mommy, she said a BAD word.” Little Girl, who at this point was extremely proud of herself, beamed a little brighter. Not thinking, really, I picked her up and brought her into the bathroom intent on washing her mouth out with soap. Once I got there, I decided against it. It’s organic, but who knows if it’s safe to ingest? So I went the opposite route, plopping down on the kitchen floor, pulling Little Girl into my lap, and sprinkling a few black pepper grinds on her tongue.

“You do not say naughty words like that. That is NOT acceptable. Maybe next time you want to say a naughty word you will remember what this pepper tastes like,” I said. (Editorial note: It was only a few flecks. Just enough to scare her a bit.) Then I put her on a time out. Little Girl screamed and cried, telling me the pepper tasted “yucky.”

Big Girl, to her credit, was very upset about the entire thing. She was actually close to crying, begging me not to make her sister taste pepper, as I held the grinder, and afterward telling Little Girl that it was okay and that she would be okay as the time out timer ticked down. In fact, she stood there next to the time out area holding a cup of milk I had poured for Little Girl to guzzle at the end of the two-minutes.

Once Little Girl came off her time out, calmed down, and downed the entire glass of milk, I gave her a hug and told her that she was not allowed to say that word. That Mommy didn’t say that word. She hugged me back, saying she was sorry. Amidst the tears and hugs Big Girl piped up, pointing out that my husband says that word sometimes, and why doesn’t he have his mouth doused with pepper when he says it? Good question, baby…

Anyway, I know there will be some readers who say that my punishment was overkill. That making a toddler taste pepper is too mean. Surprisingly, as someone who is anti-spanking and anti corporal punishment, I disagree. This is one case where the punishment isn’t terrible, and actually works.

For instance, I can vividly remember the taste of Ivory soap from my childhood after having my own mouth washed out several times. One time, I got punished for just writing a curse word (ass, if you must know) when I was about six. Getting my mouth washed out with soap had a profound impact on me, keeping me from swearing until I was in my late teens. In fact, I still don’t swear all that much except the occasional crap here and there, which I blogged about a few months back. Bottom line: If a little pepper now means a lot less salt later in life, I will be a happy camper.

Later in the evening I was driving Big Girl to get dance photos, and we started to talk about what happened. That lead to a discussion about cursing. I used the time to explain that, right or wrong, people who swear a lot are often viewed as less educated. It looks smarter, I told her, if you can come up with other words to convey feelings. Right or wrong, how you speak can have a lot to do with how you are perceived and even how successful you become, I said. I also told her that while I didn’t think there were any bad words, there are some words that just don’t sound nice. I wasn’t sure what effect, if any, my speech would have, so I was blown away when she started sharing a bunch of stories with me. That this one in her class got punished for a week for swearing at her mom, and that one got in trouble on the bus for saying a curse word. Another one got in trouble for swearing in the cafeteria. “Lots of kids I know say curses,” she told me. I was so glad she was talking to me about meaningful things. I was so glad I had the opportunity to explain why we don’t want our girls to talk like sailors. I was so glad when she said she understood.

So now I am sitting here still thinking about the pepper, which didn’t seem to bother Little Girl. She was almost excited to tell my husband about the experience. Still, I wonder what effect tonight will have on Little Girl. Did I use the experience as a teachable moment, or did I make a mistake — even if I do feel okay about it? What do you think?

When we got home I asked my mother-in-law how long she cried, figuring that it had probably gone on for some time. “Not long at all,” she said. “I told her we were getting her a bed tomorrow.” Oh, crap I thought, even when she offered, right then and there, to pay for the promised bed. Her explanation was simple. She felt bad for Little Girl being “caged up like an animal,” and wanted us to make sure she would never have to be cooped up like that again. (She also said that Little Girl acts crazy and like an animal because we keep her caged. I completely disagree, of course. That kid was nutty in my belly.)

I had plenty of arguments against the bed, which I offered up. She’s not even three, I said. She’ll never stay in a bed. She’s too crazy. But my mother-in-law was adamant. So was Little Girl when she woke up on Sunday. “We going to get my bed NOW?!?” was the first thing out of her mouth when I went in to take her out. That child’s euphoric excitement was why, later that day, we went to price beds even as I mentally raged against the idea.

I won’t bore you with the details of our shopping trip other than to say we are now the proud owners of an antique white toddler bed. Little Girl is ecstatic. I am miserable. I am, quite truthfully, not ready to give up my baby. I want to keep her little for just a little while longer. I am also really scared that she’ll give up her naps, which are precious to me, a working mom. The majority of her friends stopped napping the moment they got a bed. My kid still sleeps for two-plus hours every day, and those days she doesn’t nap she still gets downtime since she’s trapped in a crib.

Last night — her first night in the bed — she was up until way past midnight. She got out of the bed and came downstairs into the den around 11 p.m., proclaiming it was time for Sesame Street. We were not amused, especially since it meant she navigated a flight of stairs in feetie pajamas and in the dark. And that’s what this time feels like to me: that I am walking, for the first time, alone down a darkened corridor. I’m a little scared and a little excited. But unlike Little Girl, I’d gladly run back to my crib.

Little Girl is tasting stuff without coercion. I don’t know what to attribute it to. Is she trying to follow her sister’s lead? Is she getting curious about what things taste like? Is she really hungry? Who knows. The point is, after two years of offering her new things, she’s finally receptive.

This makes things SO much easier for me. I used to get so frustrated when Little Girl would clamp her mouth shut when I offered her tastes of whatever I was eating. I wondered how I could have two kids that are so different. But now, finally, Little Girl is willing to taste nearly anything. No, I won’t say she likes everything she eats, but it’s nice, as it was last night, when she’ll try balsamic grilled turkey with orzo. (She loved the turkey and hated the orzo!)

The point of this blog: Keep trying. Whether you have a reluctant spouse, fussy baby, or headstrong toddler, it is possible to get your family member to try new things. The key is not to give up.

Mommy: Yes, and all the little babies, too. Baby C. will be there. Baby J. will be there. Baby G. will be there.

Little Girl: Mommy, why my friends have babies and I don’t. Mommy, I want a baby, too!

Mommy: You need to talk to your daddy about that, Little Girl. Mommy can’t do anything about that. Why don’t you ask him for one?

Little Girl: You know what? I not going to ask for a baby. I going to ask for a big girl bicycle with a basket just like Big Sister has. Okay?