Right now, I’ve got both my girls in Britax Frontier 85s, convertible boosters that can be used with a 5-point harness or with the regular seat belt. They are great, but big, so whenever I try and add a third kid back there, I am at a loss. I have two options: shoehorning the kid in between the two boosters and forgoing a booster seat for that child or leaving my little one home with a sitter so I can have the child sit in Little Girl’s booster. Both options are unappealing. Either I am driving around unsafely or I’m paying a sitter. When I explain my space issues, most parents don’t care, telling me to just put their kid in there without a booster. (One even told me to let her child sit in the front seat — I refused, and I digress.) This seems to be happening across the country, according to a new American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) study that was released today.

The study — Carpooling and Booster Seats: A National Survey of Parents — found that “more than half of parents carpool children other than their own, but they do not always use boosters for children who usually use one.” The study was published in the February, 2012 issue of Pediatrics, the AAP’s journal.

There was good news in the report. Around three out of every four 4- to 8-year-olds were using seat belts as per their state laws, but booster seat use, especially for carpoolers, wasn’t as good. Here’s the thing: national recommendations say that kids should be in boosters until they are 57 inches tall. My 8-year-old, for instance, is only 44 inches, so she’s got a while before she should give up her booster.

Here in New York the booster seat law requires kids under eight to be in a seat, but it also says that kids who are shorter than 4’9″ or who weigh less than 100 pounds should keep using their seat. Take a look at the brochure yourself. (And here’s an excerpt.)

An appropriate child safety restraint system:

• Is required for all children until their 8th birthday and
• Must meet the size and weight requirements for the child based on the Federal requirements and the recommendations of the manufacturer, and
• Can be a child safety seat, a harness, a vest or a booster seat attached with the vehicle seat belt or latch system, but not the vehicle seat belt alone, and
• Should not be used in the front seat of the vehicle.
• If the child is eight years old and is under 4’9″ tall or weighs less than 100 lbs, it is recommended that you continue to use a child restraint system.

So yes, I need a new car, preferably one with a third row so I can safely transport my own kids and their friends. That’s really not too much to ask.

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I wasn’t surprised since, as a child I spent half my life drinking pink Amoxicillin and chewing baby aspirin. Still, I calmly explained that no, I didn’t give her anything since having a fever is actually a good thing. It’s the body’s way of fighting the infection. Bringing the fever down would be like putting a muzzle on a guard dog. A silly, silly idea.

The fever persisted into the afternoon so, after my webinar, I stopped into the pediatrician just to let them take a look-see. She didn’t have any other symptoms, but she was complaining that her lower belly hurt making me wonder if it was a urinary tract infection. The doctor did a thorough exam with Little Girl sitting and screaming in my arms since she is terrified of the doctor. (That’s another blog post — an after effect of her liquid stitches experience last month.) The doctor also got a urine sample and cultured it. At the end of the exam, my doctor said Little Girl probably had a virus, sending me on my way without medicine, I might add. She did say I could give Little Girl Tylenol or Motrin if she was complaining a lot or was unable to sleep, but otherwise keep doing what I was doing: giving her lots of fluids, keeping her quiet, and encouraging her to rest.

Tonight around 11 p.m. my phone rang. It was my mom. Again, she asked if I had given Little Girl anything for her fever. This time, I couldn’t help myself. Apple iPad in hand, I pulled up the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) website and read something to her. Back in February the organization came out with a new clinical report — Fever and Antipyretic Use in Children — that spoke to the use of fever reducers. From the report (I added the bold):

Fever, however, is not the primary illness but is a physiologic mechanism that has beneficial effects in fighting infection. There is no evidence that fever itself worsens the course of an illness or that it causes long-term neurologic complications. Thus, the primary goal of treating the febrile [with fever] child should be to improve the child’s overall comfort rather than focus on the normalization of body temperature.

Bottom line: Parents should not give Tylenol or Motrin — should not try and bring the fever down — unless the kid feels so terrible that they can’t sleep, eat, and drink. If they’re just a little hot, parents should let their immune system do what it needs to do. I’ve always done this for myself, too. I try not to take anything when I have a fever, instead picturing my germs sizzling and dying in my own internal sauna. (What do you expect? I’m half delirious with fever!)

Of course, I also follow common sense rules. I watch that the fever doesn’t go too high (for me that cut off is 102.5) and that everything else is okay. The patient, whether it’s me or my kids, must be drinking, urinating, and not in any pain that interferes with their normal personality. I also make sure the patient can sleep, since rest is so important when you’re fighting a virus or infection.

Little Girl went to sleep at 7 p.m. I’ve checked on her every few hours, and she seems cooler than she was in the morning. She hasn’t woken up (so far) and she hasn’t developed any other symptoms. I will keep a close eye on her, though, especially over the next few days and go back to the doctor if the fever lingers past the weekend or if she develops any symptoms that make me nervous. As for the bottle of Tylenol that my mom keeps pushing? I’m keeping it ready, but hoping, like the AAP suggests, I don’t need to use it.

My husband's cast iron skillet: The grosser it looks, the better it is to cook on!

First, a little background. You and I call it Teflon, but what we’re really talking about is perfluorooctanoic acid (or PFOA), which is what manufacturers use to make all your brownie pans, frying pans, and turkey roasters non-stick. You can also find the chemical, which is sometimes referred to as C8, inside of packaged foods containers such as microwave popcorn bags and in many other consumer products. (The Environmental Protection Agency has a page dedicated to PFOA that’s got a lot more information. It’s certainly worth a read. You can find it here.)

Here are the problems that the EPA had with PFOA, taken directly from its site:

• PFOA is very persistent in the environment; it doesn’t break down and go away.
• It is found everywhere. You can see very low levels both in the environment and in the blood of the general U.S. population
• It sticks around inside of us for very long time, too. Once you ingest it or breathe it in, it’s in there.
• It has been found to cause “developmental and other adverse effects in laboratory animals.” (And in humans, too!)

If you’re like me, the last item in the list might be the one that’s giving you pause. What kind of adverse effects, you might want to know. Well, according to research studies PFOA can be linked to:

• Lower birth rate and size: Researchers at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health found that babies with higher concentrations of the chemical had smaller heads and lower body weights. Read the study here.
• Infertility: Women with higher levels of PFOA took longer to get pregnant, according to a study out of the UCLA School of Public Health.
• Elevated cholesterol: Kids with higher levels of PFOA have higher cholesterol levels, according to a study in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, one of the JAMA/Archives journals.
• Thyroid disease: A “study revealed that people with higher concentrations of PFOA in their blood have higher rates of thyroid disease. The researchers analyzed samples from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s nationally representative National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES),” according to researchers.
• ADHD: In this study, Boston University School of Public Health researchers found “increased odds of ADHD in children with higher serum PFC levels.” (PFOA is one of the PFCs they tracked.)

There have also been studies linking PFOA to cancer, although most of the research has been on the effects of PFOA released into the environment as a byproduct of manufacturing. No matter, the research is so compelling that, way back in 2006, the EPA asked manufacturers to phase out the chemical. Eight large non-stick manufacturers complied. The voluntary ban will be achieved by 2015, but that doesn’t do anything for all the folks who have non-stick cookware in their homes already unless they proactively get rid of everything non-stick they own.

That’s exactly what we did. Despite the fact that my husband loved his non-stick griddle, we tossed it along with four frying pans, a brownie pan, cake pans, cookie sheets, and a roasting pan. We actually threw it in the recycling bin rather than donating it to make sure it wasn’t going to be around to potentially make someone else sick. Today, we use either cast iron or stainless steel when we cook, bake, or fry, and I didn’t spend a fortune to make this happen.

My husband, for instance, got a $30 cast iron griddle to replace his beloved non-stick one. (No, he did not like it in the beginning, but has grown to love it.) I bought it from my local Target, and was thrilled to discover it was actually made in the United States, which is a rarity these days. Target also carries a number of other cast iron Lodge products including loaf pans, skittles, and fryers. (Note: I have nothing to do with Target or Lodge and am not being paid to say that. I just like the products.) I picked up some really inexpensive Pyrex brownie and cake pans at the Pyrex outlet. I got my stainless stuff as hand-me-downs, and was actually pleased to find that I had a plain stainless cookie sheet already sitting in my cabinet as well as a nice stainless frying pan.

From a cooking perspective, I love the fact that the glass and stainless stuff cleans up really easily. It’s also adding some extra flavor to my baking since I am forced to grease and flour my cake pans and butter up the brownie pan. The cast iron griddle, which is fully seasoned now, gives off a warm, homey smell when things are cooking on it. Plus, I love the extra boost of iron the entire family gets with our pancakes and eggs. (The American Dietetic Association confirms that cooking foods in or on cast iron increases the amount of iron in foods.)

Of course, most people aren’t going to be able to toss all their non-stick cookware into the garbage like I did, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something. I challenge everyone to replace one pan — the one you use the most — by the end of the year since it can make a huge difference in your PFOA exposure. Ready to give it a shot?

This post is how I am participating in this week’s Real Food Wednesdays and Fight Back Fridays, two awesome blog carnivals dedicated to promoting the use and consumption of — what else? — real food.

Most of us probably remember or have used moth balls. Small, smelly white things, they are used to help prevent insect and pest infestation in stored clothing. Carpet beetles, moths, and mice, among other things, hate the smell of moth balls. I do, too, actually, and for good reason. The key ingredient of mothballs is naphthalene or para-dichlorobenzene, which, according to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), is dangerous stuff. “Inhaling para-dichlorobenzene can lead to vomiting, diarrhea, respiratory distress and other illnesses. Swallowing it can damage the nervous system and, in extreme cases, can cause coma or death.” Oh, and it effects your red blood cells. Here’s the EPA’s product fact sheet on the stuff. Babies and children are especially vulnerable as deaths of preemies and infants have been reported after exposure. Nice.

As usual, the European Union is WAY ahead of the United States when it comes to this dangerous chemical. It banned the pesticide in 2008. The reasoning, of course, is that when you open up clothing stored in moth balls, you are inhaling the pesticide. If you can smell it, you are inhaling it. That’s probably why pediatric doctors in Australia and New Zealand are also trying to get the substance banned.

I totally understand why. I opened up my Space Bags three days ago and almost fell over from the smell. I put both bags outside hoping the smell would dissipate. Today, the smell is still just as strong as it was when I first broke the airtight seal. All those beautiful clothes have been rendered unwearable. I’m not sure what I am going to do. Thankfully, I only used moth balls on the 3T stuff, and decided pretty soon after that moth balls were dangerous and stupid so my 4Ts will be as moth ball-free as the 2T, 18 month, and infant stuff was.

So what’s the take-away? Why should you care? It bears a reminder that just because something is sold at the store doesn’t mean it’s healthy or safe to use, especially around children. Here I thought I was doing something smart, and I was doing something extremely stupid by adding a chemical to clothing that would have gone on my kid’s skin. It’s also a reminder to be especially careful when taking out heirloom or stored clothing that may have been stored with the chemical. Moth balls are bad news. Protect your kids, and protect yourself.

And what about all those gorgeous clothes sitting in my backyard? Yesterday I dumped them into a mesh bag. I’ll check them again next week, however I anticipate I’ll be making a trip to the stores soon. I’m thinking it will be fall (at the earliest) before we’ll be able to use them!

Healthy breakfast or chemical-laden ooze? You decide.

Every morning Big Girl and Little Girl have cereal and yogurt. It’s organic yogurt free of artificial flavors and colors, but I still wonder how healthy it is. You see, it comes in a big plastic tub.

I believe the tub is BPA-free, but I can’t really be absolutely sure, can I? I looked it up, of course. It’s marked with a 5, which means it’s polypropylene, according to this Daily Green article. Once I knew what it was made of I looked up that material on Dow Chemical’s product page. Once there, I read all about it. I was somewhat mollified to learn that it’s used for food storage in the European Union, too. (Given its proactive stance on food dyes, BPA, and genetically modified foods, I feel like the EU is a better bellwether than the U.S. government as to whether or not something is healthy.) But can I trust those sources? How do I really know that chemicals aren’t leeching into my supposedly healthy breakfast staple?

I don’t, of course, and it’s not like I can go out and make my own yogurt or buy yogurt in glass jars. So what’s a mom to do? I’m not going to stop giving my kids a food that’s providing 35 percent of their daily calcium intake. Not to mention all the Vitamin D and protein. Have any ideas?

One day, I hope, I won’t have to think about any of this. I will feel safe and protected. Until that day, I have to ask: Have any other ideas on the topic?

This post is how I am participating this week in Real Food Wednesdays and Fight Back Fridays — two awesome campaigns to get people eating real food again.

A quick apology to all my overseas friends: This blog post doesn’t pertain to you, and there are a lot of you now. But it’s important enough that I had to write it.

I have a new client that wants me to hold $1 million worth of general liability insurance. Okay, so I call my insurance broker and ask her to hook me up. She comes back with questions: Who are your other clients? How much do you make per year? Where is your office? I give her the details, and she hangs up. Then she calls me back with a final question: What’s your Social Security number? I tell her flat out that I don’t give anyone except the government that information. She hems and haws, but then she says she’ll try and create the policy without it.

She ends up not being able to write the policy, but it wasn’t because of my lack of Social Security number. My house is too close to the water, and insurance companies are babies about the whole hurricane path thing. Since I still needed the policy, I contacted a second agent who was able to get me the policy I was looking for. Without my Social Security number, I might add! In fact, he didn’t even ask for it at all.

As a journalist who covers personal finance I have written about this topic before, (check out this story that appeared on Creditcards.com, FoxBusiness, and Yahoo! Finance) but it’s worth saying again. And again and again: Your Social Security number should be given out on a need-to-know basis.

Your employer needs it to report your income. The state and federal governments need to know it for tax purposes. And anyone who provides you with credit such as a credit card company or loan service needs it to check your credit score. But that’s really it. Doctors, dentists, insurance agents, your child’s school, your gym, your optician, a college or university — NONE of these people have the legal right to require you to disclose your Social Security number. The only exception is education-related. If you or your child receive a federally-funded program like free lunch or you get federal loans or grants the school will need a Social Security number to complete the transaction.

So what’s going on? Why do so many people want your Social Security number? Companies like to have it because it’s unique to you. Most want to use it as a personal identification number, which is a stupid, dangerous practice. So, repeat after me: No, I don’t give anyone my Social Security number. That’s what you need to say if someone asks you. If you’re filling out a form, just skip over the line. If questioned, say a) they are not allowed to ask for it and b) ask why they want it. Most people will tell you they don’t know why; it’s just the way things are done around there. (FAIL!) And if they tell you they can’t treat/serve/help you without your disclosure? Turn around and leave. Then you’ll see how quickly that “required” piece of information becomes a non-issue.

I really appreciate you apologizing so profusely when, out of the blue, your 20-month-old went postal on my 2-year-old and smacked her as we passed by. I really do. I wasn’t that fazed by it, actually. Kids are kids. They do nutty things. And I didn’t think a second thought about the fact that the kid was bouncing off the walls and screaming at the top of his lungs so early in the morning. (Wow, he can really shriek, can’t he!) Or that he wasn’t listening to a word you said when you were asking him ever so nicely to apologize. Until, that is, I saw what you were feeding him. A huge cup of Froot Loops, a cup of some otherworld-colored red juice, and a bag of cookies. Hmmm.

Hey, lady, don’t take this the wrong way but how can you expect your kid NOT to be hyped up and wacky when you are feeding him crap for breakfast? Yes, I said it. Crap. A quick read of Fooducate’s excellent blog post — Froot Loops is NOT a “Smart Choice” — about the topic explains why. See, that large cup of cereal you’re giving your kid? Well, it’s probably bigger than the actual serving size that has — get this — 12.5 grams of sugar and 150 calories. In fact, the first ingredient, according to the good folks at Kellogg’s, is SUGAR! Here’s the ingredients list taken from the Google cache of the Kellogg’s website. (I couldn’t get the actual Kellogg’s ingredients page to load live.)

SUGAR; WHOLE GRAIN CORN FLOUR; WHEAT FLOUR; WHOLE GRAIN OAT FLOUR; OAT FIBER; SOLUBLE CORN FIBER; PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED VEGETABLE OIL (ONE OR MORE OF: COCONUT, SOYBEAN AND/OR COTTONSEED OILS)†; SALT; SODIUM ASCORBATE AND ASCORBIC ACID (VITAMIN C); NIACINAMIDE; REDUCED IRON; NATURAL ORANGE, LEMON, CHERRY, RASPBERRY, BLUEBERRY, LIME AND OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS; RED #40; BLUE #2; TURMERIC COLOR; YELLOW #6; ZINC OXIDE; ANNATTO COLOR; BLUE #1; PYRIDOXINE HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B6); RIBOFLAVIN (VITAMIN B2); THIAMIN HYDROCHLORIDE (VITAMIN B1); VITAMIN A PALMITATE; BHT (PRESERVATIVE); FOLIC ACID; VITAMIN D; VITAMIN B12. † LESS THAN 0.5g TRANS FAT PER SERVING.

I love Fooducate’s take on this, so I will just provide it below.

“In fact, Froot Loops is 41% sugar by weight. And Whoa(!) partially hydrogenated vegetable oil too. Doesn’t sound like a smart choice to us. A 1 oz serving (which by the way is too small for regular people) contains 12 grams of sugar – that’s 3 teaspoons. 48 of the 110 calories per serving are from sugar.”

I will give Kellogg’s props for going for the real sugar over the high fructose junk, but still…that’s a lot of sugar! What, you don’t think sugar riles kids up? Okay, well you can’t dispute the fact that the artificial colors do. About two years ago The Center for Science in the Public Interest formally petitioned the Food and Drug Administration to ban eight artificial colors that had been conclusively linked to hyperactivity in children: Yellow 5, Red 40, Blue 1, Blue 2, Green 3, Orange 8, Red 3, and Yellow 6.

The FDA in March will finally get around to determining whether or not the ban should happen. Meanwhile, in Europe, there’s already a warning label on foods that contain these chemicals: “Consumption may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children.” But I digress as always…

By my count, there are four of the six offending colors in Froot Loops. Wow. So maybe, just maybe that’s the reason your kid is acting a little wacky? Kid eats food dyes and LOTS of sugar. Kid goes bonkers and starts smacking anything that walks by it. Sort of like a rabid dog. But instead of rabid we’ll call it hopped up on sugar and food dyes kid. And we haven’t even touched the colored water masquerading as juice or the bag of cookies!

Okay, so getting back to the point of this letter. Again, I am so fine with the fact that your kid smacked my kid in an unprovoked manner. Kids that young are just learning. I can even overlook the frenetic behavior. Big resort. Micky and Minnie hanging out close by. However, I am not fine with the fact that you’re giving him food that’s possibly making him nuts. Maybe you could try a more healthy alternative next time? If not for your kid’s health but the health of the innocent bystanders?

Getting off my soap box now, and thanks in advance! Love, –KB

This post is how I am participating this week in Real Food Wednesdays and Fight Back Fridays — two awesome campaigns to get people eating real food again.

“Doctors have long recognized that the unsaturated fats in fish, called omega-3 fatty acids, appear to reduce the risk of dying of heart disease. For many years, the American Heart Association has recommended that people eat fish rich in omega-3 fatty acids at least twice a week.”

And that’s where you lose me. I am not a fan of fish. I am a tuna-only kind of gal both because I don’t love the taste, and I am worried when the Food & Drug Administration and the Environmental Protection Agency come out and warn against eating too much fish due to high levels of mercury and PCBs. (And that was before the BP oil spill, which HAS to affect the fish in that area — where we get most of our fish.) Okay, digressing…so bottom line: While I know plenty of people who take fish oil supplements and eat their weekly fish, I am not one of them. Sigh. I’ve been getting my omegas from flax seed (love, love, love Trader Joe’s Soy & Flaxseed Tortilla Chips) and eggs. Last night, I went to a food event in the city, and found another source of DHA, though: life’sDHA, which is DHA that comes directly from algae.

I have to admit when I got to the event and saw life’sDHA I almost walked by. I hate telling people I don’t want to taste their products, and in this case I assumed fish. But I stopped and read the paraphernalia.

“Martek’s microalgae are grown in fermentors that range in size from 80,000 to 260,000 liters. The algae are then harvested and processed to extract the DHA-rich oil. The finished product is a clear, amber-colored oil rich in DHA.”

Hmmm. Okay, so that sounded good. But then another editor there asked the Martek guy about the extraction process, which, she said, used hexane, an explosive volatile solvent that is a byproduct of gasoline refining. (Uggg. A petroleum product AND a neurotoxin!) The Martek guy was very clear: The life’sDHA in the products that you find in the supermarket do not use hexane. I emailed him today just to be sure. His response:

“You are absolutely correct. For our foods and beverages, we use a water-based extraction process. Basically, we crush the algae and separate the DHA with a water extraction.”

Okay, that sounded better. (I’d still like to see the use of hexane dropped completely. From what I understand it is used to extract all the DHA used in baby formulas.) Of course, health benefits aside, if the food tastes like algae, I’m not eating it.

I was lucky enough to taste several of the products that contain the life’sDHA including Cabot reduced fat cheddar cheese with Omega-3 DHA and Francesco Rinaldi ToBe Healthy Pasta Sauces. Both were actually really yummy. So now, while I won’t stop eating my flax seeds, I have another option when it comes to eating omega acids.

Of course, you can get too much of a good thing, so before you start scarfing down omegas, do a little research. As May Clinic’s dietitian Katherine Zeratsk explained in a recent podcast: “…if someone were to take too much of a supplement, or have a diet extremely rich in the fatty fishes, you should be concerned about exceeding these limits because they could potentially lead to a side effect such as bleeding — something as devastating as a stroke or as simple as a nosebleed.”

Zeratsk also says it’s “extremely difficult” to take in too much, but just thought I’d put it out there. As the old adage says, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Do you worry about getting enough omega acids in your diet? How do you do it if you do worry? I’d like to know.

BTW: This post is how I am participating this week in Real Food Wednesdays and Fight Back Fridays — two awesome campaigns to get people eating real food again.

The spammer used my friend’s personal information to try and solicit money. (She works at a school for the deaf so the spammer mentioned deaf kids. UGGG.) When I searched for my friend’s name I realized that I was friends with two of the same person. Both accounts even used the same profile picture! I immediately reported the person as an impersonator using the report fake account link at the bottom left-hand side of the page, and then reported his or her direct message as spam.

The worst part of all of this: That spammer had access to ALL of my information including my photos and photos of my kids for about 16 hours. I am really mad and really scared. On the plus side I don’t have any phone numbers, my address, or any other really personal information on the page. I’ve always figured if you’re my real friend, you’re going to have all that information or be able to get it from me pretty quickly. But my photos! Well, that’s really upsetting considering I don’t even post photos of my kids on this blog. I don’t even use their real names!

Since this happened, I went and updated my personal information, making my friend list visible to only me. I also made sure all my other privacy settings were set to either Only Me or Friends. (You can find this information under Account/Privacy Settings/Customize settings and Account/Privacy Settings/Connecting on Facebook.)

So a word of warning to everyone: If you get a duplicate friend request, don’t automatically accept it! Ask your friend why they are sending you another request, and I think, at least for me, the same should apply to regular requests. It’s so sad that people will go to such lengths to scam others. And it’s really sad that I now have to live in fear that someone, somewhere stole my photos and is waiting to prey on my friends and family and their friends and family and so on and so on and so on. Just like the Breck commercial. But without all the bouncy, pretty hair.

I won’t lie: This is a nerve wracking process. The first segment east is pretty tame. We stop for all the stop signs. When we go north, I start sweating. It’s a very busy road, and people drive too quickly. I spend most of the time reminding her to stay all the way to the right, and make sure my bike is to her left so I’ll be the first one smooshed. The last leg is terrifying. It’s a bunch of big roads, and even though we ride on the sidewalk it makes me nuts. Still, once we coast into that blocked off bike path I start to relax and enjoy myself.

Yesterday, we made it to the park and had just started doing the loop when I realized that it doesn’t matter where we are, the kid has the ability to twist my heart so hard that it hurts. Literally. We’re riding. Big Girl is practicing standing up on the bike. And then I see it: a tiny dip in the road. I start to call out, but it’s too late. She’s airborne going over the handlebars. I watch in slow motion as her tiny little body slams into the ground, her hands, chest, and knees making contact first.

I don’t remember how I got off my bike. I am on the ground picking her up, searching for blood, looking for bumps. Miraculously, there’s no blood. I am shocked. I thought she took a face plant, too, but we got lucky. Then I start taking stock. Huge, HUGE egg on her knee. Scraped hands. She’s in my arms and I’m rocking her and shushing her and asking her where she hurts. A car drives by on the outside. “Do you need an ambulance?” The woman, who watched my daughter sail off that bike, saw what I saw and assumed the worst. I thanked her and waved her off.

After drying off her tears and making Big Girl stand up I asked if she could ride the rest of the way home. At this point, every cell in my body is screaming. NO! I never, EVER want her to go on a bicycle again. I want to carry her home, wrap her in a bubble, and protect her forever. But I resist the urge to call my husband and demand a car ride home. I do what I know is best: I make her get right back on the horse. And she does. And when we get to the end of the first loop I ask he to do a second loop. Just to make sure she knows she can handle an entire loop without falling. And she’s willing.

After, we bike back to our house. I’m losing my mind inside. It’s getting dark, and I am picturing all the terrible things that can happen. She could swerve into the path of a car. She could hit a pothole. She could ride into a parked car. We make it almost all the way home — we can see our house — when she skids on wet leaves and goes down again. She was barely moving, so it wasn’t like the last one. It was more of a slow-motion side fall. But she’s crying again, and my heart is back in my throat. This time, we start walking back. I’m pushing both bikes, and she’s walking beside me. She finally stops crying, and I coax her back on the bike. I want her to ride into our driveway so we finish the trip on a positive note. She does, and we do, and we go inside.

Later, as she sits on the floor with an old-fashioned ice pack on her knee (WAY better than using a plastic bag, BTW) I start thinking truly crazy thoughts like, what if she has an internal injury? What if she broke something? I know it’s my crazy, but it feels horrible. Later, I tuck her into bed, kiss her goodnight, and wonder why no one ever told me how hard this parenting thing is on your soul.