My husband cares about getting away more than I do. In fact, he has been begging for me to find someone to watch the kids so we can get away. It’s not easy, though. Little Girl is not only little, but also more than a handful, and Big Girl has a lot of events and activities. Finding someone wouldn’t be easy. However, at his insistence I finally asked my mother and his parents to help us out. We’d take a brief, three-night trip to Disney with two out of three of our favorite couples (one of our friends is running the Goofy Challenge) and have a little alone time, too.

We left yesterday — Friday — and since I am away I can’t really go on too much about what it was like to leave the kids (horrible, gut-wrenching, sad, scary), I will say that once we got here it was fairly amazing not having to cut anyone’s food, stop any fights, or make sure hands and faces were washed. We were able to sit and talk to each other. We were able to relax.

For me, the biggest thing was being able to see that although my husband and I parent together really well, we’ve still got plenty in common aside from the kids. We still connect on other levels. We’re still friends.

I don’t see this happening again for a while. I think our parents are overwhelmed with the task of caring for two young children, and my siblings have their own stuff (kids, pets, health issues) to worry about. Even so, I’m looking forward to the day where we can do this again. In the meantime, I’ve only got another 48 hours in Disney. I’d better get back to my vacation!

The study, Societal Values and Policies May Curtail Preschool Children’s Physical Activity in Child Care Centers, found that preschool kids are getting very little exercise during the day, a problem since a sedentary lifestyle may contribute to obesity. According to the National Association for Sport and Physical Education (NASPE) guidelines, preschoolers should spend 120 minutes every day doing physical activities, but few reach that goal. Says the study:

“Children spend most (70%–83%) of their time being sedentary in child care — even when excluding time spent in naps and meals — and only spend 2% to 3% of the time in vigorous activities.”

Researchers conducted the study to figure out what’s contributing to the lack of exercise and activity. They found that there are three main reasons for kids’ sedentary lifestyle at school and daycare: concerns about injuries, financial limitations, and a stronger focus on academics.

I get the injuries thing. Little Girl got pushed through a playhouse window her first week at school and ended up with a huge scrape on her belly. Those are, I’m sure, the types of injuries parents and educators are worried about, and the reason fear of injuries was the number one worry of those interviewed for the study. I guess we’re all a little crazy these days when it comes to keeping kids safe. Still, as my husband reminds me kids are not veal. It’s okay for them to get bumped and scraped and bruised while they are playing. Or, even more direct: No, I cannot wrap Little Girl in bubble wrap to keep her safe.

As to the financial issue: Schools and daycare centers can’t afford “expensive” outdoor equipment or an indoor gross motor room where kids could play and run during inclement weather. Besides, they are being pressured by parents and regulations to make sure kids know their ABCs, colors, and shapes before entering kindergarten.

The study concludes with the following statement about kids and activity: “Child advocates must think holistically about potential unintended consequences of policies designed to protect children’s safety (eg, licensing codes that have rendered climbers uninteresting, or early learning standards that encourage child-care providers to cut time dedicated for outdoor play). Given that childhood obesity is quickly eclipsing childhood injury as a leading cause of morbidity, and that time in child care [including preschool] may be the child’s only opportunity for outdoor play, licensing standards may need to explicitly promote physical activity in as much detail as is devoted to safety.”

In other words, parents should encourage kids to run and jump as much as possible, and tell schools and daycare centers to do the same.

I don’t worry about my own preschooler. She never stops running here at home, doing laps around my house in her natural speed: fast. In addition, the preschool that she goes to has a policy to let kids play outside every single day as long as it’s not raining and the temperature is above 32 degrees. Between running my halls and running at school, Little Girl is definitely getting the recommended two hours of activity, but I can definitely see how that might be difficult for kids who are in daycare all day or those, like my older child, who prefers reading and art to jumping and climbing. There are things you can do to get kids moving, though.

For example, I bought Big Girl an indoor trampoline and one of those foam hopscotch boards and made sure she was spending time on both daily. I took her to parks, which are free, and on walks — also free — when it was nice outside. When it wasn’t, I made sure she had access to our doll carriages, to encourage indoor “walks.” We also played — and still do — hide-and-seek as well as other imaginative games that include running and moving. One of the easiest is freeze dance, which asks kids to dance until they hear the music go off. Another indoor favorite is family dance party, which gets kids up and moving. Bottom line: Aside from the trampoline, I didn’t need fancy equipment or have to spend a lot of time or money encouraging and fostering a love of movement and exercise. As I learned very quickly, kids want to move and will take your lead, so which path are you going to lead your children down today? I’d love to hear how you’re getting your kids moving indoors and out, especially since another study out of the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine found that kids who exercise more do better in school. Yet another reason to make sure kids are getting plenty of activity throughout the day.

This lack of Christmas list is one of the things I am proud of when it comes to my kids for several reasons. First, because — at least until now — I have met all their needs. They have clothing, a roof over their heads, food. If they actually need something that they don’t have I can go out and buy it. There are unfortunately many people out there who can’t say the same. People who don’t have the means (for whatever reason) to meet their kids’ most basic needs. I think about those people often, especially at this time of year.

The second reason is that I think I am raising unspoiled kids. I often say that my kids are spoiled. There’s very little they don’t have — that’s true. However, they appreciate what they have and don’t ask for things they don’t really need. Take Big Girl. Unbeknownst to me all her classmates already have Lalaloopsy dolls. Big Girl didn’t run home and beg for one or badger me when we went to a store. She waited until I asked her if she wanted anything and then she told me. (I must admit that at these kids very, very rarely ask for anything when we are out shopping. Aside from having to corral the little one my shopping trips are relatively stress-free.) So yes, I am very proud that I am raising two kids who not only understand the value of money, but don’t expect toys and games and stuff just because.

How did I do it? I never got into the habit of buying just because. I always explained that things cost money and equated the thing with how many words I had to write or how many hours my husband had to work to buy whatever we were talking about — a new car, a jacket, another pack of crayons. I told them stories about my own childhood. I explained that I got clothing twice a year in September and at Christmastime. I impressed upon them that if they didn’t take care of their toys, they wouldn’t get replacements. I even let Big Girl “forget” her stuffed cat at a store. Yes, I saw it on the floor, but it was her responsibility, especially since I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea for it to leave the car. I’m not horrible, though. I grabbed it when she wasn’t looking and didn’t mention it until, at home, she started crying that Black Cat was gone. I then pretended to call the store and told her the store was mailing it back to us. And then I made her wait a few days to get it back. Mean? Maybe, but very useful. She remembers that experience to this day and cautions her little sister against bringing toys out of the house.

Anyway, I’m really proud of those kids and of the parenting that brought them to where we are now. They are a gift that keeps on giving every day of the year. And the fact that they get the difference between needs and wants? That’s just the ribbon on the package.

And I really, really LOVED the fact that you suggested talking to my doctor if he or she brings up an early childbirth. LOVED the questions you included in the letter to ask him or her before agreeing to be induced or sectioned. I’ve taken the liberty to copy the questions below:

• Is there a problem with my health or my baby’s health?
• Can I wait to have my baby until I am closer to 39 weeks?
• Why do I need to induce my labor or have a C-section?
• Will inducing labor increase my chances of a C-section?

Fan-freaking-tastic! Doctors should have to own up to the fact that they have a wedding or vacation or just don’t like getting out of bed in the middle of the night. They should have to admit that, for the most part, induction and C-sections are just easier for them. They don’t have to deal with missed time in the office or having to leave home early or late or miss their kids’ soccer games. Induction, to be sure, is a process of convenience. Bravo for you, Empire Blue Cross, for actually letting women in on the secret that they are in charge of their own bodies and their own care. (WE ARE, and if we don’t realize this, we SHOULD!)

Oh, and the detailed drawing that shows the difference between a baby’s brain at 35 weeks versus what it looks like at 39 to 40 weeks? Well, that’s just genius. I also liked that you tell women straight out that it’s important to wait until at least 39 weeks because organs are still growing and the ability to suck and swallow is still developing. All in all, it was really smart of you Empire Blue Cross, my insurance provider, to team up with the March of Dimes except for one small problem: I miscarried on August 29th. I have to be honest: My heart actually hurt a little when I opened your envelope.

People, people! Email marketing is really not that difficult. I write about it several times a month for one of my oldest and favorite clients, Crain’s BtoB. You are both large organizations with plenty of marketing cash. You should have some kind of database updating methodology that takes people like me off your lists. I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but wow, that was sucky. Invest in some marketing automation software or a better list management program.

In the meantime, keep up the good work. I can say that even though I am still very, very sad about my lost baby, I am so proud and happy to see that we’re finally on our way to a place where pregnancy and birth aren’t medical conditions, and women are let in on the fact that they — not their doctors — should be driving the way their babies are born.

Best, –KB

I wasn’t surprised since, as a child I spent half my life drinking pink Amoxicillin and chewing baby aspirin. Still, I calmly explained that no, I didn’t give her anything since having a fever is actually a good thing. It’s the body’s way of fighting the infection. Bringing the fever down would be like putting a muzzle on a guard dog. A silly, silly idea.

The fever persisted into the afternoon so, after my webinar, I stopped into the pediatrician just to let them take a look-see. She didn’t have any other symptoms, but she was complaining that her lower belly hurt making me wonder if it was a urinary tract infection. The doctor did a thorough exam with Little Girl sitting and screaming in my arms since she is terrified of the doctor. (That’s another blog post — an after effect of her liquid stitches experience last month.) The doctor also got a urine sample and cultured it. At the end of the exam, my doctor said Little Girl probably had a virus, sending me on my way without medicine, I might add. She did say I could give Little Girl Tylenol or Motrin if she was complaining a lot or was unable to sleep, but otherwise keep doing what I was doing: giving her lots of fluids, keeping her quiet, and encouraging her to rest.

Tonight around 11 p.m. my phone rang. It was my mom. Again, she asked if I had given Little Girl anything for her fever. This time, I couldn’t help myself. Apple iPad in hand, I pulled up the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) website and read something to her. Back in February the organization came out with a new clinical report — Fever and Antipyretic Use in Children — that spoke to the use of fever reducers. From the report (I added the bold):

Fever, however, is not the primary illness but is a physiologic mechanism that has beneficial effects in fighting infection. There is no evidence that fever itself worsens the course of an illness or that it causes long-term neurologic complications. Thus, the primary goal of treating the febrile [with fever] child should be to improve the child’s overall comfort rather than focus on the normalization of body temperature.

Bottom line: Parents should not give Tylenol or Motrin — should not try and bring the fever down — unless the kid feels so terrible that they can’t sleep, eat, and drink. If they’re just a little hot, parents should let their immune system do what it needs to do. I’ve always done this for myself, too. I try not to take anything when I have a fever, instead picturing my germs sizzling and dying in my own internal sauna. (What do you expect? I’m half delirious with fever!)

Of course, I also follow common sense rules. I watch that the fever doesn’t go too high (for me that cut off is 102.5) and that everything else is okay. The patient, whether it’s me or my kids, must be drinking, urinating, and not in any pain that interferes with their normal personality. I also make sure the patient can sleep, since rest is so important when you’re fighting a virus or infection.

Little Girl went to sleep at 7 p.m. I’ve checked on her every few hours, and she seems cooler than she was in the morning. She hasn’t woken up (so far) and she hasn’t developed any other symptoms. I will keep a close eye on her, though, especially over the next few days and go back to the doctor if the fever lingers past the weekend or if she develops any symptoms that make me nervous. As for the bottle of Tylenol that my mom keeps pushing? I’m keeping it ready, but hoping, like the AAP suggests, I don’t need to use it.

The study asked 209 Washington State pediatricians about their overall willingness and “comfort” to use an alternative immunization schedule, something I believe in myself. The results were fairly surprising, at least for me. Almost two out of three (61 percent) of the doctors surveyed said they would be comfortable using an alternative schedule if parents specifically requested one. That’s welcome news, and news that should be out there: It’s okay to question or delay vaccines as long as you know the risks and benefits upfront.

I have three problems with the current vaccine schedule. First, kids are given a lot of vaccines starting at a very young age — birth for most. Second, most of the vaccines that doctors stick into kids are not required by law for entry into school. Finally, I think we’re vaccinating against diseases that — for those with healthy immune systems — aren’t going to hurt kids should they get them. In fact, I believe that kids should get sick sometimes. It’s good for the immune system.

As to the first issue: How is it that a minutes-old baby needs a Hepatitis B shot if its mother does not have the disease? Sure, I know doctors will say that the mother could have contracted the disease between the beginning of her pregnancy when she is tested for Hep B and the time she gives birth, but how likely is it really? The next set of recommended shots — and I do mean “set” since it’s FIVE shots — comes at two-months-old. At that time, doctors can give, based on the AAP’s recommendation, shots for rotavirus, haemophilus influenzae type b vaccine (Hib), pneumococcal conjugate vaccine (PCV), polio, and a combined shot of diphtheria, tetanus and acellular pertussis vaccine (DTaP). So basically seven different shots at one time. For a two-month-old. Two months later you get the same shots again. At six months, you’re looking at another rotavirus shot, another Hep B shot, DTaP, Hib, PVC, polio, and possibly a flu vaccine. All told, the kid’s had 19 shots and a cocktail of more than nine diseases injected into his or her system before they can barely sit up. And here’s the rub: Many of those shots are not required for school, and the AAP’s schedule calls for 15 more vaccines before the age of 6.

Here in New York kids need three doses of diphtheria, three doses of tetanus, three doses of polio, two dose of measles, one each of mumps and rubella, three doses of Hep B, and one dose of chicken pox. (No Hib or PCV, I might add!) By kindergarten. Kindergarten. Not by six-months-old. By kindergarten. Here’s the link to the AAP’s recommendations and the link to New York State’s requirements so you can check out the disparities.

This makes me ask the question: why? Why so many vaccines so young for kids with healthy immune systems? Of course, I am not a doctor. I’m just an educated, concerned parent who makes my own decisions. From my research I know that there are plenty of parents out there who are making their own decisions, too. Parents who say no to Hep B shots for babies. Parents who decide to wait six months between shots and keep the number of shots given in a single day to one or two. Parents who skip the shots that aren’t required by law. There are even people who choose not to vaccinate at all.

So what’s your take on this? I have a final FYI for those considering delaying: If you do delay, you might be interested to know that the AAP study also found that the doctors surveyed said there were three shots that they would not delay: Hib, PCV, and DTaP. My girls never got Hib or PCV, and I do not regret my decision.

Vaccines are a tough and loaded topic these days, so I will ask both sides of the debate and those who are in the middle to please speak respectfully to each other if you do choose to post here. Thanks.

The whos, hows, and whys don’t matter. What matters is my thought process. In one case someone, in my opinion, was clearly goading me to fight. Rather than getting caught up in the drama, I consciously decided to do the opposite of what it seemed like the person seemed to want me to do. You know what? The encounter ended really well. I walked away feeling good about myself. No malice or anger in my heart. I was relaxed and happy because, by choosing not to right a perceived wrong, everything went well. And the other person started behaving better, too.

The second experience had to do with someone asking for advice. An acquaintance asked a question in a group. Many of the group members gave what I consider bad advice. Advice that flew in the face of what I would have said. Again, I thought it through and realized the person asking for advice didn’t really want advice. She wanted validation of what she was already doing. I opted out of giving my own advice, staying silent. Again, I avoided a confrontation. No one got hurt. It was a wonderful thing.

The third experience was an encounter with an employee of a public organization. (I’ll give a few more details since she is unlikely to ever read or see herself in this post.) She was nasty and unkind to me and my kids. Instead of saying something to her about her behavior, I walked away. It’s not like she was calling names or anything. Her demeanor and tone were sharp and she was dismissive when Big Girl asked her a question. (Just an aside: My Big Girl said please and thank you anyway even though she didn’t get an answer.) In that case, after walking away for a moment, I decided to go back to her desk, smile, and make small talk. After a minute or two of chatting, the woman got up on her own and went to get the answer we were looking for without me having to ask again. Her exact words when I told her not to go through so much trouble: “It’s no trouble. It’s a slow night and I’d be happy to help.” Score another one for kindness.

I don’t know where this new wisdom is coming from. I wish I had it in me years ago, however, because I am loving the end results. Oh, if I had the self-control and insight even a year ago to swallow my pride and my opinions life might be a little different over this way. The strange thing is I’ve been following the keep-my-mouth shut mission forever when it comes to work. I’ve always believed in putting out a “customer is always right” vibe even when I know in my heart they are wrong — or behaving badly.

Anyway, I’m including this on the blog because I think part of natural-as-possible parenting is being willing to keep learning and growing. I’m trying every single day, although I know I falter every once in a while. That said, would love to hear about how you handle conflict. Sometimes the best way to learn is to follow someone’s (better) example, right?

Big Girl’s birthday was last month. When we started planning it she said she wanted to donate her gifts, but she didn’t know which charity would be the recipient this year. Then, one day she was leafing through my Parents Magazine and saw an ad for SmileTrain, an organization that provides cleft lip and palate surgery. The photos are pretty horrifying, so she instantly knew, she said, that this was the charity she wanted her friends to donate to. I agreed, especially after doing due diligence and checking out the organization’s financial statements. Soon after, I emailed out the following note to everyone who had been invited:

Hopefully you’ve all received your invitations. (It was a postcard, so let me know if it didn’t arrive. I know sometimes they get lost inside the newspapers and junk mail.) Big Girl decided she wants to donate her birthday gifts again this year. Tonight, she was flipping through my Parents Magazine and came across an ad for SmileTrain (page 65 in the Oct. 2011 issue), which provides cleft surgery to needy children. She was having trouble telling people what she wanted anyway, she said, and thought this would feel good to do. (There’s a kid in the ad who is eight, “just like I am, Mom.”) Anyway, this is purely optional, of course. You don’t have to bring *any gifts* or you can do your own thing, but if you want to, please feel free to make out a check to SmileTrain. I looked it up. They are a five-star rated charity since nearly 83% of its donations go directly to the operations and medical treatments like speech and orthodontia. I will include a note with the donations requesting the charity not solicit anyone who donates and does not sell or rent anyone’s name.

Okay, so the party went off a few Sundays ago. Many of the guests completely ignored the no gifts thing and brought gifts as well as checks made out to SmileTrain. Some just sent checks. A much smaller group just sent gifts. One child came empty-handed, though. And now here’s my problem: Do I send out an email asking the mom if she sent something or just chalk it up to her deciding she didn’t like the charity and actually listened to my request for no gifts? It’s such a touchy thing. I don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I also want to make sure a gift or check didn’t go missing. What would you do?

On the bright side Big Girl’s friends donated $290 to SmileTrain, providing an entire operation to a needy child. I’m so proud of her and of our friends, making a difference in the world.

• The AAP discourages media use for babies and kids under two
• Parents should avoid putting a TV in a child’s room
• There may be a negative effect of parents watching TV with kids around
• There needs to be additional research into long-term effects of TV viewing

I have written about my own misgivings about kids and TV. My kids don’t really watch TV all that much. The big one would prefer to read. The little one likes TV but would rather run around in circles. Literally. When they do watch it’s either Fresh Beat Band or Electric Company. The little one watches Sesame Street and Backyardigans. I have always been the “weird mom” because of this. I’ve had people ask me, with eyes bugging out, how I can keep my kids from watching television. (I’ve always wanted to say, “Easy, I don’t turn it on,” but I figured that’s sort of rude.)

This new policy gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be seen as the weird mom anymore. The AAP has a lot of pull. While the last set of restrictions — which called for zero television use — came out there several years ago, these have more meat to them. More concrete guidelines that may be easier to follow. Is it wishful thinking to say that I’m sure it won’t be long before parents start cutting down television usage? Well, I do. I just wish the recommendations came out a few years ago. They would have saved me a lot of bug-eyed looks.

After listening to Christmas carolers and drinking TO DIE FOR hot cocoa, we headed into the theater to watch the show. The movie centers around a highly-industrialized version of Santa and a sweet-yet-clumsy heir to the Santa throne. Within the first minutes of the film, we find out that the only way Santa can deliver so many toys on Christmas Eve is by using a super-stealth spaceship and a team of spy-like elves. Everything is automated, too, although the wrapping and the letter-reading (enter sweet-yet-clumsy heir) is still done by hand. Pretty neat idea, right? Until one Christmas Eve night when something goes wrong with the clockwork automation and a present gets left behind. Sweet-but-clumsy heir in particular is really upset that a child will be waking up on Christmas morning to no gifts — the same child who has recently written a letter asking if Santa is real. We leave our worried heir and a live Santa from Christmases past (you’ll get it when you see the movie) embarking on an old-fashioned sleigh being pulled by ancestors of the original Christmas reindeer. Their job: deliver the wayward package.

The movie was really well-written and highly entertaining. I laughed and smiled throughout until we got to the part when we’re led to think a child will go without gifts. That scene in particular gave me pause because the no presents thing really, really hits home. Yes, I always celebrated Christmas, but I can remember several years when, as a child, there were very, very few gifts under the tree. One Christmas in particular stands out. It was a few years after my dad died and we were struggling financially. That year, especially the mood in the house was pretty subdued.

On Christmas morning my mom was almost apologetic for Santa, saying he would do better next year. But right then, my brother, who was in a local fire department (he’s a decade older than I am), made everything okay. Looking out the window, he said he saw something in the snow. He threw open the front door, stepped outside, and — in the middle of me and my sister jumping up and down –  came back inside carrying two big boxes of whatever the popular toys happened to be that year. The boxes were dented, so he told us they must have fallen out of Santa’s sleigh into the front yard, which made it even cooler. We wouldn’t have been more excited if Santa himself delivered our gifts.

I have never forgotten that day even though the memory of the actual gifts we got is fuzzy. (Was it a Barbie van? A Sit-and-Spin? I can’t say for sure.) To this day I think back and feel warm inside because of that incredibly generous and caring volunteer fire department (or maybe it was Santa!) who made sure people like us had a happy holiday.

We didn’t get to see the entire Arthur Christmas, so I don’t know exactly how the problem of the missing gift was resolved, but if it is anything like the experience I had as a child I am sure I’m going to be bawling my eyes out when I go see the completed movie in November. The movie and the memory of my own experience reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas (and Chanukah and whatever else you might celebrate): It’s not about the gifts, it’s about caring, something we should all remember.