In the past, those what ifs have gotten her kicked out of two dentist chairs. She’s so afraid that something might hurt her that she doesn’t even give the dentist a chance. Granted, the last time she was in a chair she was having a baby tooth pulled, but even that experience is a perfect example of trait one and two taking over. Big Girl wouldn’t let the doctor help her by giving her a needle, and she wouldn’t let me help her relax (until the end). She was also quick to think that it would “really, really hurt,” setting herself up for failure. She shrieked every time the doctor tried to put an instrument in her mouth — even the so-called Mr. Drinker suction tube. (I blogged all about the solution and it’s positive outcome: Me doing Reiki on her while the dentist finally did her stuff. But I digress…)

The tooth pulling was quite a while ago, and since then she’s refused to get her teeth cleaned or checked. Oh, yes, we tried a few months ago, but it just didn’t work. The new dentist wasn’t willing to listen to her hysterics, so we left with dirty teeth (hers) and heavy hearts (mine and hers). Not wanting her teeth to fall out of her head, I recently made another appointment with the old dentist — the one who was Reiki-friendly. Despite the fact, I might add, that the guy who runs her practice charged me an extra $25 for all the Big Girl screaming during the tooth extraction. Why go back to a stupid asshat’s practice? I trust the female associate. I like her. She likes me and trusts me, even agreeing to drill my tooth without Novocaine. (The ability to use meditation instead of medication meant I still felt nothing but I wasn’t numb for hours afterward.) Besides, I don’t ever have to see said asshat again since the female dentist told me to come in on Fridays when she’s the only one in the office. This time, however, we’re going in more prepared.

Since our last visit Big Girl has been seeing a behavioral therapist who — using the pack of tools the nice dentist gave me to “practice” at home with — is helping to minimize Big Girl’s anxiety and acting out. She’s hitting the problem from all sides. First, she actually donned sterile gloves and played dentist with my daughter. She showed her what it would feel like to have the polishing tool touch her teeth and gums. She practiced putting the suction tube under her tongue. She talked about what the instruments would feel like. Then they found relaxation techniques to help with anxiety. They listened to classical music, and the therapist created a ten-minute guided relaxation. She even burned the music and the spoken relaxation onto a CD so we could put it on Big Girl’s iPod and bring it along on D Day. (Dentist Day, of course.) Finally, she encouraged Big Girl to let me give her Reiki as soon as she sits down in the chair since it relaxes and calms her. So far, the plan is on track to work. Even Big Girl is feeling positive about the upcoming appointment. She bounced out of the therapist’s office the other day looking and feeling confident.

The dentist is still a few weeks away, but I feel confident, too, that this proactive, behavioral-based plan is going to help us make it through a cleaning  and check-up with little screaming and crying. After all, Big Girl also inherited my strong willpower and imagination — the same characteristics that got me through two labors using meditation alone. I know she’s got it in her to tackle a little dental work.

Are you afraid of the dentist? How about your kids? How do you handle the anxiety and fear? I’d like to know.

That tooth was a stubborn one. It refused to come out even though its adult tooth companion had already broken through the gum and was sitting there just waiting to move into its spot. When Big Girl let me give it a wiggle I realized it was barely moving. That was January. In February, we went to the dentist who told us that even though the other tooth was already up we should wait a month or so. It might fall out on its own. It just wasn’t loose enough to pull, she said. We waited. A month. Two months. Finally, last week I realized that it was time for a dental intervention. That tooth had to come out loose or not.

Our appointment was at 4:20 on Monday. We got there, and went right in. My husband left work early to meet us there. Big Girl is not exactly a calm child, and getting a tooth pulled — especially one that really wasn’t that wiggly — would require both parents, I thought. The dentist spent the first 20 minutes discussing tools, numbing agents, and what “pins and needles feeling (from the anesthetic gel)” meant. Then, when she felt like Big Girl was properly prepared, the dentist swabbed Big Girl’s gum with the anesthetic gel. All hell broke loose. She didn’t like the feeling. Her tongue felt funny. Oh, my gosh, it’s horrible, she screamed. The dentist, bless her, told Big Girl to rinse her mouth out to get rid of the gel. By this time my husband was there. We looked at each other and nodded. That tooth had to come out. We asked the dentist to give it another try.

We’re all standing there now, willing this thing to move forward. My husband is holding Big Girl’s hand. I’m offering my cell phone (for Angry Birds), ice cream afterward, anything, really to avoid the fate of going to an oral surgeon. We’re 30 minutes into the fracas at this point when I get an inspiration: I’d give Big Girl some Reiki as the dentist did her work. I suggested it. Big Girl loved the idea, and the dentist was game. I took a position above my daughter’s head, took a deep breath, and started the energy flowing out of my hands and into my little girl.

It was like a switch. Once the energy started, Big Girl instantly calmed down enough to let the dentist put the scary, sharp-looking tool resembling a tiny crowbar into her mouth, prodding into her gum. One good push, which I felt in my left hand even though it hovered above her head. Oww, Big Girl said, but she let the doctor keep going after taking a few breaths and shedding a few tears. A second good push. More owws, more pains in my hand, more words of encouragement all around. Finally, a third big jab of the tool, and the tooth was out. Blood gushed everywhere. The dentist told Big Girl to stay still so she could get the tooth. (Come to think about it, this reminds me of my birth story with Little Girl!) The dentist retrieved the tooth, and soon after were on our way out of there. My Big Girl missing one more tooth, and me marveling over the power of energy.

How is is possible that a 7-year-old was able to undergo dental work without Novocaine or even topical anesthetic? How is it possible that I was able to do Reiki and help her through it? Honestly, even though I gave birth using HypnoBirthing — twice! — it still freaks me out when I think about how strong the mind is. In this case, was it really the power of my mind channeling calming, pain-eradicating Reiki or my Big Girl’s mind being able to block out the pain? I guess we’ll never know, but I am so glad that tooth is out, and so is she. She netted $20 from the Tooth Fairy, BTW. She earned it, we all agreed. Don’t you think?

Big Girl's cute-as-a-button gap!

My daughter recently lost a tooth. She really lost it, too, since she was eating a bagel at the time. It got swallowed, never to be seen again. I warned her ahead of time that it was ready to fall out. I even asked her to let me help the loss along. I told her she could see the dentist, who would help her remove it. I should have known better. We have trouble getting her into the dentist’s chair when there’s no wiggly tooth involved. We are not alone.  According to a WebMD article, between 9 and 20 percent of Americans say they are afraid of dentists, and that number is probably higher for children, according to experts.

If you’ve got a child who is dental-phobic take note: Dental health — or lack of — is a major problem since early childhood caries (ECC) or cavities is the most chronic childhood illness out there. Yes, you read me right: Cavities are an illness. Left untreated they can lead to infection and abscesses, and can harm permanent teeth sitting below the gum line. There are some very simple steps you can take to make sure you keep your child’s teeth healthy. Here are some ideas we’ve used with Big Girl, our resident dental-phobe.

• Get them brushing — early and often. This might seem difficult. It was for us. What helped: Getting a cool toothbrush and some tasty organic toothpaste. We use Tom’s of Maine, starting out with the fluoride-free and moving to the anti-cavity Silly Strawberry as soon as we knew she was old enough to avoid swallowing it.
• Find a pediatric dentist. This proved to be more difficult for our family. There are plenty of pediatric dentists in the area, but they don’t take insurance, and they are expensive. We found an affordable option at the local teaching college. Dental students, who work along side dentists, can charge far less, but provide cutting-edge treatment. Plus, they’re getting graded so they can’t ask us to leave if the screams get too loud!
• Get your pediatrician involved. Researchers at Boston University School of Medicine found that when doctors get involved asking about and explaining dental health, kids get fewer cavities. If your pediatrician doesn’t ask you about your child’s dental health, ask him or her about what you can do to improve your child’s oral health.
• Go alternative. A recent study in The Journal of Pediatrics found that kids do better when dentists adapt their offices to make them more kid-friendly. For example, bright lights can scare kids. My pediatric dentist, who knew about this study, had kid-sized sunglasses on hand when we got there. Big Girl, who is light sensitive to begin with, loved choosing and wearing her new shades, and seemed to deal with the bright light shining into her eyes much better. The study also suggests that soothing music helps, so we plan on bringing along her iPod on our next visit.
• Hold them close. The same study also suggested wrapping kids up tight as a way to keep them calmer. I’m not going to put my child in a straight jacket, but I can mimic that feeling by sitting on the dental chair and having my daughter sit on my lap with my arms around her.

We’ve got another loose tooth in the house. Big Girl requested an apple today. She wants it to come out on its own. Either way she’s got a dental appointment scheduled in a few weeks. I can’t wait to try a little of my own advice. My dad — her grandfather — was afraid of the dentist. As a result he wore dentures at the young age of 39. My mother, on the other hand, is vigilant about getting her checkups and gum treatments, so she has almost all her teeth at retirement age. Not a bad goal to set for my children.