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A Whole New World

It’s been more than a year since I last posted. A lot happened. Most significant: My mother died. She had stage 4 lung cancer, but it was sepsis that ultimately killed her — sepsis from a procedure to clear a liver tumor.

I was my mom’s primary caretaker and patient advocate for the entire 20-month journey. During that time she lived with us twice. The first time after she had her biopsy and got a PleurX catheter put in. The second time was right before she died. She left my house in an ambulance and never came back.

There’s so much to write about the journey, especially since I didn’t write or talk about it at all during the almost two years she was sick. It was a huge secret as per my mom, so no one knew except the few very close friends I confided in. She didn’t want anyone to know how sick she was, and I honored her wishes. She didn’t even tell her own close friends until the very end.

Today, five months and three days after her passing I am trying to rebuild my life. When you spend every day for 20 months researching and living with a loved one’s cancer, stuff changes. Your life — or at least my life — changed completely, and now that she’s gone, I realize how hard it is to go back to my old life BC (before cancer).

It’s because of this that I feel like it’s time to start telling my story again. It’s time to process what happened — what I lost, what I gained, and where I see my life going — and  I’m going to use this blog to do just that. And yes, I will talk about my kids during this new blog dump. They lived the pain and joy of caring for my mother. They also received beautiful gifts. By living with their grandmother they got to see firsthand how we, as a family, care for those we love, even when it sucks.

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