We went away for Easter this year. We drove out to Greenport and spent the night at a lovely hotel overlooking the ocean. It was my first trip since getting hurt in 2014 aside from a disastrous trip to Disney in November 2015. (That trip was spent in bed, head pounding, body feeling like it was rocking 24/7 from vestibular migraine while my family did the parks, but I digress.)
This weekend, we woke up on Easter Sunday, got dressed and went to church. When we got there I looked around and felt like the worst mother in the world. Little girls sitting with their parents wore frilly, pretty dresses in pastel hues. They had hats and matching purses, too. Those who didn’t wear hats donned elaborate bows. The boys wore cute little khaki pants and checked shirts. Some were decked out in ties and jackets. Even the babies were dressed to impress! My kids — not so much. The little one wore a romper that I got from a friend. The big one wore a green swing top and jeans. They packed their own suitcases, so that’s all they had to wear. There was nothing better in their closets because we never went shopping for the occasion. I never found the time. Plus, I’m out of practice.
I’m not used to going shopping anymore. For a while my injuries kept me from it. In fact, it’s really only over the last six months that I’ve been able to go to the mall or to a store without feeling horrible. (I still haven’t tackled Target, a place my neurologist — who also suffers from vestibular migraine — calls an instant headache!) If you’re a regular reader you know that I didn’t even go shopping for my little one’s First Communion dress! I “shopped” privately at my church’s rectory.
When we walked out of church I looked at the girls, apologized and told them that — God willing — next year we would get back to buying Easter dresses. They didn’t seem to care. They were happy wearing the outfits they had chosen and were looking forward to an Easter egg hunt at a park followed by a trip to the Montauk lighthouse. I cared, though.
The lack of Easter planning reminds me that I am not 100 percent yet. Cognitively, yes. Physically, no. And yet at the same time I have to thank God that I was not only able to go away but have fun with my family. Over those two days away we walked around the town. We shopped. We went out to dinner. We went to a packed church and celebrated with the community. At night, I was able to lie down and fall asleep. These are all things that would have been impossible even a year ago.
All that said, I guess I will cut myself some slack this year. Still, here’s hoping that I will continue to improve over the next 12 months. Also, that my kids will still let me dress them in ruffles, gingham and frills next Easter!