This weekend we cleaned the shed and the garage. We had tons of stuff that the girls outgrew including my pack-and-play, a Cozy Coupe, a toddler castle climber, a Wave Climber, and a small Tangled toddler table. I put it up on Craigslist, asking very reasonable prices for everything so it would sell quickly. As of today, I have sold everything except a Little Tikes wagon. Someone is supposed to come and pick that up today. The process has been heart-wrenching. Every toy I load into someone’s car is another reminder that my baby-making days are over. Finished. Done. Shop is closed. Except my mind hasn’t taken the hint yet. It’s a problem.
I try and remember how lucky I am to have these two wonderful little girls. I think about how I won’t have to go through the whole pregnancy, labor, and delivery thing. I try and appreciate the fact that I’m not tied to the house with a newborn. Except none of those things really bothered me. I can’t say I loved being pregnant, but I loved the newborn stage, especially since my girls were always sleepers. I loved how they changed daily, learning something new, growing. The first smile. The first time they sat up. The first time they knowingly reached out and grabbed onto my finger. I also loved watching Big Girl play with her sister. It was so breathtaking. I can honestly say that I only began to experience pure, selfless joy when I became a mom.
I’m sure plenty of people go through this, so I am not beating myself up for feeling sad. I’m allowing myself to cry. I am acknowledging my loss. And yes, I am feeling a little proud and happy that other babies and toddlers will get to enjoy my kids’ cast-off stuff. I just wish it was one more of my own.
Hey, this site is up for a Circle of Moms designation for 2012 — Top 25 Eco-Friendly Moms. I’d love it if you clicked through and voted for me. Here’s the link. Also, have you Liked NaPM on Facebook? I tend to post cool links and would love for you to join us there. Here’s THAT link.