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All I Want for Christmas…

It’s easy to say I don’t want anything for Christmas except a happy, healthy family and friends who fall into the same categories. In fact, usually it’s so easy to say that it’s exactly what I’ve professed to for years. This Christmas, however, I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. A moral dilemma if you will because I actually want stuff. Crazy, right? The person who periodically and obsessively donates stuff to the local thrift shop so she can keep the number of her possessions low is now — all of a sudden — knowingly and deliberately about to bring more stuff into her home.

The urge for stuff is so strong that, about a week ago, I sat down and made a list of a few things that I tell myself would enrich my life. Silly stuff, really. A stainless steel coffee grinder. Some spin shoes. Tiny speakers for my iPod. An eco-friendly large coffee mug for my morning joe. A 33-ounce French press so I can make coffee for friends. A solar watch. (The band on my old watch broke and I don’t trust any jewelers enough to leave it anywhere.) A small stainless steel strainer. Nothing that expensive, really. Just things that, at this moment in time, I covet.

I have to admit it feels weird to want stuff, and I’m not sure where it’s coming from. It’s been a long time since I made a Christmas list of more than one or two things. I tend to avoid asking for specific items, preferring to find what I need (I never really want things) at thrift stores or on sale. I have been so resolute in my no-stuff goal that I end up bringing back most of the stuff people buy me, which tends to make people mad, but I digress. I got so used to going without, I guess, that it’s really hard for me to spend money on myself — or allow anyone else to spend it on me. It’s so weird and foreign to me that here I am, writing a blog about it.

I’m wondering if it’s because I finally feel like I am worthy of presents? Or maybe my obsessive fear of being poor again is waning. Or maybe it’s just that I see everyone else in my spin class with clip on shoes and I want to feel that same rush of speed. I really don’t know. But what I do know? I’ve got some cleaning to do to make room for my new stuff because if my family doesn’t come through I’ll be shopping for myself on December 26th.

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