Comments on: Mish-Mash Tuesday: HPV update, hubby’s surgery, kid melt down

By: Christina Le Beau

Christina Le Beau — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 14:11:13 +0000

The others have said it very well — we’ve all been there, we’re all human — but I just wanted to add that I also have a 6-year-old daughter, and her Jekyll/Hyde personality these days can be infuriating. It helped a lot for me to read a book called “Yardsticks,” which details children’s development by age. Age 6 is a pivotal time in a child’s life (some believe the most pivotal in terms of learning), fraught with both excitment and anxiety as they test the limits of their growing independence. The resulting emotions and behaviors can be pretty strong. But I deal with things so much better since reading this book. Hang in there. Oh, and I laughed in recognition because my husband and I do the exact same (downstairs/upstairs) divide-and-conquer routine in the morning. And yes, it works much better if we stick to that plan!

By: tracy

tracy — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:36:08 +0000

I’ve had lots of moments like that. Moments that made me shudder after I calmed down. But a friend told me don’t worry so much, because it’s your OVERALL parenting that sets the tone for their childhood and their adult reflections on it. I like to think I’ve learned from these episodes – will never happen again because my ideals for parenting are so important to me – and yet I know it will happen again. The important thing is to own it, which you do, and not focus on guilt. When Katelyn left for school, she probably really was at peace again – that’s how inherently optimistic kids are. We have to remember they are truly secure of our love for them. And isn’t it part of life to love your parents in spite of their human flaws? Besides, if they could somehow be raised by a saint, how would they be prepared for the world’s reaction when they screw up out there?

By: Sarah E. Ludwig

Sarah E. Ludwig — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:10:02 +0000

Aw, Karen, I could have written this post! I bet almost every mother on the planet could have, for that matter.

In fact, I’ve been through much the same sort of issue with my non-morning-person son. I’m not a morning person either, so it has gotten ugly. Since your hubby normally does the job and it works, I won’t bother to tell you what I ended up doing to get things under control, but suffice it to say that I sympathize with your plight this morning.

I have made many, many, many parenting boo-boos and I have nightmares about the amount of counseling my children will someday need because of all the ways I’ve damaged them. Whenever they tell me I’m “the best mom ever” or something similar, I say thanks, but inside I’m thinking, “Uhhh, NO, I’m not.”

But like you said, kids know we’re human and they learn from us how to recover from mistakes. You apologized, which is hugely important and a wonderful example to your daughter. You also showed her your hurt and frustration. Kids need to know that moms aren’t Super Woman and that we have feelings they can hurt too!

Trust me, you are far more upset about this whole incident than Katelyn is. My guess is she won’t remember it. I’m sure there is no long-term damage, though as moms, who by nature seem to have the word “guilt” as our mantra, we can’t help but think so.

I agree with Christina — we have to forgive ourselves and plug ahead. With all the stress I’ve had in my marriage and now divorce, as well as dealing with depression on top of it, I’ve done some things that make me cringe when I think about them, simply because I snapped and couldn’t cope. (Therefore I don’t think I could name just ONE biggest parenting mistake…) But I always, always apologize and honestly, coming from a house where the parents never apologized, I think that’s the most important measure when parents make a mistake.

You’re doing great. The fact that you’re worried about this shows what a wonderful mom you are. =)

By: Christina

Christina — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:00:48 +0000

We ALL say things we shouldn’t–believe me. Since my husband moved out, I have blurted things about him in front of my kids that I shouldn’t have, cried in front of them, told them that they’ve hurt my feelings and other stuff that I regret. I think copping to it (as you did) and apologizing is what makes the difference. No parent is perfect, especially when other parts of life get stressful. Kids can get on your last nerve and sometimes we snap. I say forgive yourself. You are an incredibly sensitive and self-aware mom. Sometimes I think it’s good for kids to see us snap and to learn that everyone has their limits.