Some censor themselves. Some use pen names, and change enough details to make absolute identification difficult. It helps if you’re an orphaned, childless widow who was an only child. Some (like you) simply take their heart in their hands, lay it on the page, and trust that if it’s misunderstood, it will be forgiven in the end.

The huge difference between writing a book and writing a blog about your life, though, is the one you point out–the anonymity of the news stand. I write books. They go out into the world for sale. My face is not on them. I use a pen name. Now, I’m not an international spy or anything; any reasonably adept reader with access to Google will have little difficulty puzzling out my identity. But it serves the purpose. It give me–and my family–plausible deniability.

But when we blog about our lives, we also blog about those who share those lives. Though we have chosen to live in a glass house, is it fair to demand that our families and friends do the same? And if not, how can we protect them?

I wish I had a good answer–I have a teenaged son, and when I write I am having to be increasingly careful not to expose him to his schoolmates in ways he might find painful. This makes me sad, because I have a lovely collection of pieces I want to craft into a memoir about being a single mother. And I will. But I’ve decided to hold off for a while.

I guess you’ve figured out by now that I really don’t have a good answer for your dilemma–just the comfort of knowing that it’s one that many of us face. Maybe the fact that you’re aware of it is the true solution. You write. You write truly. And you write understanding that expressing your truth carefully and accurately in writing is even more important than doing so in spoken conversation–the written word hangs around. Good luck.

The first time we met, they barely looked at me, much less spoke to me. And it’s been all downhill ever since.

Two weeks before our wedding, I posted something about how I was a little worried about how to seat three vocal atheists (one of them being my brother) with our pastor and the priest at the wedding supper. (Only immediate family for the wedding.) His parents read this and got mad, called my husband and told him not only were they not coming to the wedding (which I did not want to have — I wanted to elope and had even convinced my mom, but that’s another story) but he shouldn’t marry me.

Ah. Outlaws.

They do not have my current blog address.

In general, though, I don’t censor myself. My blog is quite new and I haven’t yet publicized its existence to most of my friends and family – and that gives me a little bit of leeway in tackling some pretty personal topics. Nevertheless, I did have an awkward moment with my husband the other day when he read something in a post that he claimed I had never told him before. Oops.

Thanks for this post, Karen. I’ve enjoyed my visit to your blog.

I always run things by my family if I feel I’ve stepped over the line in writing about them. So far, only one family member vetoed my work. It was his story to tell, not mine, so I found something else to write. That’s the fine line that bloggers, writers, memorists walk every day. So far, it seems you’re doing a fine job with it, doesn’t it?

You’re doing a great job–keep it up! I just hit 41 posts and I started my blog back in May–but then you are a powerhouse!